A New Creation

"If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation.
The old has passed; the new has come."- 2 Cor 5:17

"People I talk to keep pressuring me to go to church," he explained. "I'm not so sure I'm ready to go. My reputation around here is not good, and I just know there will be those people who will sit back and wonder who I think I am, coming in there and testifying..."

"Well, you'd get that anywhere you went. You know that."

"I know," he sighed. "But I just need to spend some time with Father God so that I can be strong enough to not care what other people think of me." 

I nodded. "You take all the time you need. The most important relationship right now (and for that matter, always) is your relationship with God. And church," I added, "might be one way to enhance that. However, only when you're ready."

He quirked an eyebrow. "But I thought we weren't to forsake the assembling - - - "

I smiled. "What do you think this is -- right here, right now? Huh? We've been communicating with each other, sharing the things of the Lord, talking about our struggles, and caring for one another. I don't know what anyone else might call it, but I'd call it church!!"

His eyes slowly widened, and a smile began to shine from his eyes like a sunrise. "Didn't our hearts burn within us, when He was with us along the road...?  Wasn't that the two disciples on the road to Emmaeus?"

Photo by David Alberto Carmona Coto from Pexels

"Sure was." I grinned. "Wherever two or more are gathered in My Name, there am I in the midst." 

His shoulders relaxed.

"You'll get to the place where it won't matter what people think. So just know that any pressure you feel comes from other people's expectations, not necessarily from God. Of course, they might mean well, but you also don't answer to them. I think you're pretty good at recognizing when you are being manipulated rather than when God is telling you something. When you're ready, you'll know that it's time to make that step to be with others. But until then ... here we are. And that's okay."

His eyes glistened. He got it.

I've had this same conversation with more than one person, but I've picked this one because it stood out for me. I've had to have chats like this one because so many people are "church-hurt" and they need a slow reintroduction to the people who say that they belong to Jesus but who take particular delight in pointing out areas of improvement (thus trying to do the Holy Spirit's work for Him, but don't get me going.) And by "improvement" I mean areas where the person's life doesn't look like theirs: from actions to appearance. Same words, same hair-cut, same causes, same version of the Bible, same, same, same.  

It doesn't matter. Our Father is a God of endless variety, and it would be pretty boring if all of us looked, smelled, and acted like the same human.

What matters most is that this person, no matter the past, no matter the number of times he or she has said things have changed, no matter your or my opinion of things, is a new creation in Christ. The old has passed; the new has come. Who are we to sit in judgment? Who are we to hold that person's past against them? Who are WE to determine how fast and in what areas he or she should grow? Do WE know the inner workings of their heart?  What God has started in that person, He will finish. Whether they agree with us or not on everything, it isn't our job to make them into perfect replicas of ourselves. 

It's God's work to grow them up in Him, in a way that will bring out their unique qualities. He is the gardener, the caretaker, the great shepherd. He knows best what will draw each person into an intimate and vibrant relationship with Him. He's been doing it for far longer and is much better at it than you or I could be. Let's set aside our preconceived notions of how spiritual growth looks, and trust God to nurture His own creation how and when He sees fit. 

Besides, maybe they can someday speak life into someone who can relate to the way they look or talk. For example, their appearance - whether they have tattoos, dreadlocks, piercings, or whatever - might put us off, but that doesn't mean God can't use them to reach people who would never be drawn to us. And isn't that the main reason why we're all still here in the first place?

The pressure and politics - and pleasures - of isolation

One day recently, I was having a discussion about something with an acquaintance, when the topic turned to something on which the person and I did not share the same opinion.  

She asked me about it, so in spite of my better judgement, I gave my opinion, which I backed up with anecdotal (based on personal experience) evidence.  It stopped the conversation cold, and both of us commented on how awkward it felt, how inappropriate it was for us to even be discussing it. 

After that, I sensed a coldness, a withdrawal of respect, if you will, between us.  And it got me to thinking about the subtle pressure that comes to bear when two people don't agree on something - the social pressure to conform, for one side to convince the other and failing that, the removal of that thing from the list of things where one feels "safe".  

There is a lack of acceptance that is inherent in such differences of opinion; one side is unswayed by the other, and a (silent or voiced) agreement takes place where both parties resolve never to bring up that topic again.  Whether that is from a fear of confrontation, or from an unwillingness to entertain the other's point of view (belief, doctrine, attitude) again based on fear of being proven wrong or anger that someone holds to a different viewpoint, the result is the same: the walls go up and a whole other area is cordoned off with a big "Do Not Enter" sign posted, a "demilitarized zone" - a no-man's-land or an emotional mine-field.

I've been giving this idea some thought since deciding to leave the institutional church last summer.  And I've noticed that in some ways, and with some people more than others, the same process has been happening with people who had said to me that we were part of the family of God.  Yet when we decided to leave the physical house where they felt (to one degree or the other) comfortable, and where we did not, there was that same awkwardness, that withdrawal, that "let's not go there" mentality that just ... appeared.  Out of nowhere, it seemed, people who would laugh and joke with us simply avoided eye contact, or promised to keep in touch but didn't, or if they did keep in touch, there were awkward silences, things they felt they couldn't share, things we felt that we couldn't share - because we were in different worlds.  

And slowly, that resulted in isolation from a community we THOUGHT was based on more than just the name engraved on a plaque or painted on a sign near the church entrance.  It made us question whether the relationships that we had spent years developing were nothing more than a sham - whether they were based on whether we kept up our end of the contract, or whether we were "of use" to the community.  It all seemed so ... superficial, petty, and ... conditional. 

We made it clear that we were not leaving our relationship with God, but that we no longer subscribed to living life by traditions, rules, and the fear and shame that is behind those things.  We thought that those who knew us best would understand that this was not a rejection of them, but a personal decision.  And perhaps some of them did.  

Yet ... here we are.  God sets up times when we are in community with one or two other people and seeking His face - and He shows up; these times are wonderful and remind me of what the early church must have been like.  Yet for the most part, it's like we have died as far as relationships with some people are concerned.  

Don't get me wrong; our relationship with God has deepened and we are experiencing peace and joy more now than ever before.  Yet even that makes some folks uncomfortable; after all, aren't we supposed to shrivel up and waste away to nothing if we don't slap our fannies on a church pew somewhere? 

Photo "Bald Eagle Close Up" courtesy of
Tina Phillips at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

More and more, I don't think so. I think that that mentality limits God in ways I am not comfortable with.  And truth be told, while there are some aspects of church attendance and traditional ministry that I do miss at times, in those moments, I usually just play the tape all the way to the end and realize that for me, it's not worth going back for just those few things.  

I kind of feel like Neo in "The Matrix" - I've swallowed the red pill (those who've seen the movie know what I mean) and now, things just don't look the same anymore.  And it IS isolating.  The very nature of that realization means that there ARE going to be topics I won't be able to discuss with certain  people, and there are going to be some people who won't feel comfortable being around me either. It isn't that they are wrong and I am right; it's just that we are in different places with different needs. Yet, for someone who all her life wanted everyone to like her and approve of her, it's a big deal that some people now ... don't - or they don't act like they do.

Accepting that is probably one of the hardest things about this past year.  As liberating as this lifestyle is, as wonderful as it is to look at life through the lens of God's unconditional love, it is still sometimes a lonely place - but one dear friend of mine turned that thinking around when she called it "the aerie" - the eagles' nest.

I like that.  True, there is isolation, but there are also many more updrafts, and the advantage of a bird's eye view, so to speak.  Things that seemed so huge: political wrangling, position, petitions, placards, pleading, proselytizing, pontificating, and pseudo-pious posturing ... seem so puny and piddling compared to the simple truth that God is God and I am not.  And I'm okay with that.

In fact, I'm better than okay with it.  I like it just fine!

Lesson from RMS Titanic

On April 10, 1912, the Royal Mail Steamer (RMS) Titanic set out from Southampton, England on her maiden voyage to New York, with 2227 people on board, mostly wealthy people in first-class cabins and immigrants transported like cargo toward the new world. 

The Titanic was already famous. She was touted as "the unsinkable ship" - the safest ever to be built - and so confident were her designers of that "fact" that there were only 20 lifeboats on board: only enough to carry a scant half (at most) of the passengers on that voyage. The mood was festive. Nothing bad could happen. 

Late on the night of April 14, at 11:40 pm, the ship struck an iceberg, about 400 miles south of Newfoundland. April in Atlantic Canada is far from springtime. 

To one eye-witness, the sound of the ship hitting that iceberg was like fabric ripping. The passengers who were awake felt the ship shudder, and many just lay back down and trusted the "safest ship ever built" to take them to their destination. Some asked members of the crew if there was a problem. They were told that as far as they knew, there was none. 

There was a problem. The problem was that the ship had struck an iceberg, and the pilot of the ship believed the propaganda that the ship was unsinkable, and so delayed his distress call. The passengers - confused and disbelieving - were not warned early enough, and when they were warned, the crew started calmly handing out life-preservers to the passengers.

While most passengers got a life preserver, many more people died than needed to die, because of (1) the arrogance of the designers (2) the implicit trust people had in the media hype [in other words, they believed what they were told], and (3) too few lifeboats and too little instruction on their use (based on reasons one and two). 

Photo "Titanic Ship Sinking At Night" by
Victor Habbick at |
www.freedigitalphotos.net

Again, from eye-witness accounts, the RMS Titanic sank bow-first beneath the waves, looking much like an incredibly slow-motion dive that a duck might make, eventually at a 65-degree angle as the stern slipped beneath the waves. The sinking took two hours and forty minutes. 

Those left on board during that time with no life-boats left to save them, huddled near the stern, still clinging to the vain hope that the great ship would not sink. More and more of them let go, unable to hang onto the railing (or each other) any longer, faced with two realities: the cold numbing air of the North Atlantic and the force of gravity that pulled them sharply downhill. The icy water killed over 1,500 people in mere minutes from their entrance into the water - those who had their life preservers but who were too late to get into the lifeboats. 

Those in the lifeboats could barely believe that the ship was doomed and so they lingered near it until it became obvious that the media hype was wrong; they rowed away clumsily because most of the crew had gone down with the ship and they had no instruction on how to navigate the huge rowboats, each holding about 35 people. 

Over three hours they stayed in the lifeboats in the freezing cold, pressing close together for warmth, calling out the names of their loved ones out over the dark water ... for answers that never came. As twilight turned to dawn, they could see the outline of a ship, a proven ocean liner whose captain had heard the delayed distress call and was waiting to pick up survivors. The Carpathia took aboard 705 survivors that morning. The rest of the Titanic's passengers and crew had died - one thousand, five hundred twenty-two people. (*)  The enormity of that loss was unprecedented: nothing like that had ever happened on such a large scale.

The only ones who survived were the ones who got off the ship and into a safe place, at great personal and emotional cost. 

We are aboard another Titanic - the religious system we call the church (notice I use the small letter c??) - and we are so caught up in the hype of the gates of hell not prevailing against it (in other words, indestructible) that we forget that the real Church isn't about the system or the vehicle (so to speak); the Church is about the people: real people with real lives. Unfortunately, what we settle for is being lulled into a false sense of security by the propaganda and the ritual and the expectation that the deck beneath our feet will hold and stay steady ... we are settling for doing church instead of being the Church. 

What we have called the church (the building, the religious system) is waterlogged and already beginning to tilt, and it has been on its way down for decades. It was never indestructible; it is man-made!! The real Church is created by Jesus - and besides, when Jesus said "the gates of hell would not prevail against it ... He was talking about the Rock upon which He would build the Church - that Rock being the truth that He is the Chosen One, the Son of the living God - the Good News, ... not the vehicle.  

"And we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." (2 Cor 4:7) WE are the Church. WE carry the Good News, this treasure, the love of God shed abroad in our hearts. We don't need to go to a special place, or say certain words, or do certain things in a specific way or order. The building, the organization, panders to the control freak in us, the need to feel that we are in control of something ... when the truth is that there is nothing that we can do to make God love us more OR less than He always has. 

Photo "Couple Having Breakfast"
courtesy of Ambro at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

If WE are the carriers of the Message, if we are the dwelling-place of the Spirit of God (and by faith in His Word we ARE) then the structure (seen or unseen) is not important and may actually detract from what God is doing. What matters most is our willingness to listen to His leading. 

The safest place for us is not on board a sinking ship. We don't have to "do" church; we never did! We ARE the church - and that truth makes Jesus' words come alive: "Wherever two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst." (Mt 18:20) We don't have to have two hymns, announcements, offering, a sermon and a prayer. We can be who we are, share what God is doing in our lives, and lift one another up without the benefit of clergy, a building, or even singing if that's not where the gathering goes. I've been in such gatherings - in coffee shops, living rooms, restaurants ... they are amazing, energizing, and precious.  The moment we legislate such a living thing with the word "should", it is re-infected with the cancer of man-made position and influence ... and dies a painful death. 

Why would I want to participate in that? 

The way I view "what the Church is" ... has been undergoing a transformation lately. I'd been seeing it as the narrow (so narrow you can see through a keyhole with both eyes), traditional definition for so long ... that the idea of informal, unstructured gatherings any old time with other believers had to be called something else - like visits, or sharing, or whatever else happened. The reason for this was that (obviously) there was no pastor or worship leader, so it couldn't be church, right?  Really though, what I experienced in those impromptu get-togethers in random places ... was the Church. I just didn't recognize it because I was so used to the Sunday-go-to-meeting kind of ritual gathering where it feels 'safe' - (like the Titanic was for those four days...) surrounded by the ornate trappings and beautiful music and such, playing on the emotions and relying on manipulation to get people to respond. (Oh of course you've heard it and seen it happen: "Can't I get an Amen?" or "We'll sing that verse one more time and sing it like you mean it!"  etc., etc.)

I've since realized and been able to recognize the Church at work even when my husband, my daughter I have breakfast on a weekday morning and end up (as we usually do) talking about God. He's part of our lives, our everyday. Such times are when we feel most encouraged, in a safe place with each other in our relationship so that we can be honest about our feelings and help each other to grow in our faith. 

And I find myself less and less willing to board the ocean liner. The luxury accommodations just aren't worth it. 


(*)   -  Information retrieved from http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/titanic.htm 

The View From Here

It seems like forever since I found myself down here, down below the surface, away from the sunshine. I'm not exactly sure why this was the place where someone thought I should be... but it's where I am. I've worked hard to accept it, because try as I might, I've not been able to extricate myself ... not from lack of trying! 

Wait. Wait and you will see. You don't need to understand. All will be made clear.

I can't help thinking how dark and slimy it is here. It's been a very long time since I've seen any lasting rays of light. I used to be so thick-skinned, but now the least little thing seems to pierce through. 

You are being softened. Trust. I am near.

I know that there are things that are happening within me. But I can only feel discomfort. I can't see anything beyond this oppressive, fetid place. I can't see any growth in me, just stirrings of irritation. I feel like I'm being split in two, that my whole life is coming apart. 

There is life. You are growing inside. You can't see it yet because you're too close to the situation. What you are feeling is normal. Relax; it will take time. I am in control. 

I feel as though I'm reaching in all different directions. I'm vaguely aware that I am growing, but I can't see how. Where is the sun? I feel like I'm losing myself to this process ... I'm not even sure I know who I am anymore. 

You are becoming. Who you used to be is being transformed. You are being rooted deeply. Soon you will see. 

Every movement is an effort, a struggle. I'm tired. I just want things to be easier, safer, less exhausting. I admit that now I can feel the warmth of the sun a little, but slogging through this dark place takes all the energy I have. I have nothing left over. 

Your growth is beginning to show. This is the hardest part, just before your breakthrough. Keep feeling that warmth, drinking in the nourishment I send. Soon you will see ... and gain strength to grow even more.

Photo "Young Plant" courtesy of
amenic181 at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

An open door

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; 
but often we look so long at the closed door that we
do not see the one which has been opened for us."
                                    ~ ~ Helen Keller

The last few years in my walk with God, I have felt Him leading in a certain direction and I've been looking for opportunities to step into what I believe He wants me to do (at least in part.) I naturally assumed that He would have me do these things in my own local church, but whenever I mentioned it to someone with the power or clout to make something happen in that area, it always fell through.

Numerous times this happened, and I began to get really frustrated because I KNEW I could step into this area and meet a need that I saw. Alas, it was not to be. And then frustration turned to anger when my perception of events and decisions made by those people started to feel ... personal. I even went to the extreme of attributing motives to the people who were involved. 

That's a dangerous occupation. I don't think that this is what is meant by the "gift of discernment." 

Anyway, about six or seven months ago, I again asked the powers that be about this thing i wanted to do, and I got 'no' for an answer. Again. Finally, I just got fed up and said that this was the last time I would ask about it. However, both their decision and my reaction to it didn't sit well with me. I worried over it, gnawed on it like a dog with a bone. And finally, maybe about a month ago, maybe less, I finally made peace with my inner turmoil and let go of what I had thought was God's specific will.

I know people don't name their guitars, but I do.
This is Penelope, named after my 6th grade teacher
whose enthusiasm inspired me.

I (in essence) took the restraints off God's hands. "Okay," I told Him. "I'll give it to You. If You want me to do this, then it'll have to be You that sets it up. I'm done trying to make it happen, thinking that it's Your will. It might still be, but this is ridiculous.  So ... YOU do it." 

And nothing happened. Things stayed the same. Except ... except that I changed. I found myself letting go more and more.

That was right about the time that I was just minding my own business and trying to read some scripture off by myself while the worship team was practicing in the sanctuary one Sunday evening, and in popped the pastor to the office where I was sitting. We struck up a conversation as he was getting more bulletins printed off and folded (I lent a hand). He was organizing a women's conference at the church and he wanted to know if I'd be interested in doing a breakout session at it. 

I told him I'd pray about it .... which I did .... and when no indication came from God to NOT do it, I agreed. It wasn't an area of ministry I'd even considered before. Hence, here was an open door I would not have been able to see if I hadn't given up obsessing on the old one being closed at that time.

And (okay, God's got a sense of humour) today, someone approached me after the Good Friday morning service, and asked me to do the very thing that I had felt God leading me to do for so very long ... in a different church. As a guest. 

Huh. Go figure. 

Harmful things many Christians believe

I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday about how people have certain beliefs that are so destructive for their personal and/or spiritual growth. These attitudes are pervasive; that is, they are everywhere. However, I've noticed them most (and perhaps it's because I get around most in these circles) in the church. The list below is not exhaustive by any means, but I have put together a few of the most harmful-to-the-spirit things that believers believe ... and all of them are myths, yet taught as truth.

1. It's all about the outside. Yeah, that old myth is still kicking around. I'm not so much talking about physical appearance here (although that can be included) as I am about the penchant believers have to lay down rules and regulations, obligations and expectations of themselves, and then expect others to follow them. And when others don't follow them, they judge these people and call into question their commitment or their dedication.
   
   This myth is born from fear: if I don't measure up, if I don't do enough, God won't love me. Or my prayers won't get answered. Or I won't have a nice car. Oh please. God's love and God's grace don't work that way. Get a grip on even a corner of the lavish love that God has for you, and that myth will vanish like fog on your glasses when you enter a warm house after being outside in the cold. Understand the grace of God and you will live in gratitude and not in fear.
   
   
2. Self-denial and self-love are mutually exclusive.  Yikes! This is a variation of the first one!! The belief is that one is a good person if one is self-sacrificing and never looks after oneself. In fact, this belief is the fast track to burnout! Jesus knew this; He often took time away from the crowds to be alone and spend time with His Dad. He recharged His spiritual batteries and was ABLE to give Himself fully to others BECAUSE He spent that time looking after His own spiritual health. That "J-O-Y" that we learned in Sunday School (Jesus-others-you spells Joy)? Yeah THAT's a myth. It's more accurate to say, "Jesus pours into you and fills you up, so that you can pour into others."
   
   A healthy self-love is crucial to the ability to lay aside what we prefer at times, in order to meet another's need. When we don't care about ourselves, we will not care about others; remember, the 2nd greatest commandment is to love our neighbor as ourselves. Not instead of ourselves or before ourselves.
   
   I'm not talking about narcissism here. I'm talking about knowing yourself, knowing your limits, and looking after your own spiritual condition first. In that regard, I'm a big believer in the saying, "You can't give away what you don't have."
    
3. I need to defend God. Hmmm, here's a sticky one. The idea here is that any time anyone says something that we don't believe, or expresses an opinion that casts a shadow on the Bible, or espouses a cause that is not "scriptural" ... we feel we have the right - indeed the obligation - to point that out.
   
   This is probably the one thing above all other things that gives Christians a bad reputation, because "pointing that out" causes others - and so many more than we can even imagine - to dismiss us as judgmental hypocrites, having no compassion or tolerance for other people.
   
   I had quite a problem getting this myth expunged from my psyche. Finally, it dawned on me. Freedom of speech and freedom of religion means that everyone has the right to say or to believe what he or she wishes, within certain legal boundaries. That a person - or a government - or a social group - says or believes something that I don't believe is actually a good thing. If that person or that entity loses the right to say or believe that thing that I don't like, freedom of speech and freedom of religion don't exist. And if they don't exist, then I lose the right to say or believe what I want. It goes both ways, you see. The golden rule is still golden.
   
   One of the things we have lost - I believe - in the last few hundred years since the Reformation, is the wonderful and nearly lost art of acceptance. Accepting people and situations the way they are can go a lot farther than placards and petitions, protests and punishment. Jesus operated like that. He wasn't a pushover and He did not join in others' evil deeds. But He ate with tax-collectors and prostitutes. He accepted everyone the way they were, and loved them. Their own gratitude for that love transformed them. The only ones He had judgmental words for were the people who were so tightly bound up in how everyone else was doing it wrong (and how much better they were than everyone else) that they couldn't accept that He might be who He said He was. Even those among that 'elite' group who were willing to listen to Him, He accepted and loved just as much as the fishermen and farmers who flocked to the hillsides to hear Him and to watch Him love people.
   
   God is a big boy. He can look after Himself. He doesn't need me to run roughshod over other people to prove a point defending His honor. I can trust Him to do that... and He does it far better than I ever could, and with far more compassion and mercy.
   
   
4. I need to understand everything. Wow. The older I get the more I realize how silly and potentially dangerous this myth is. It's important to know what we believe and why we believe it. But there are things about what we believe that just don't cut it. They can't even come close to explaining all there is to know about God and about how He works. And I don't need to comprehend it. If I do, or if I think I do, then somehow God becomes just a ho-hum part of my existence instead of an all-consuming passion. And if I feel as though I need to control everything, then I make myself something I was never meant to be. Only God has the right and the power to control it all.
   
   Mystery makes our lives interesting. It also keeps us humble. When we admit that we don't know it all, that God might be a smidgen more vast than we can conceive, or work in ways other than what we might have thought ... our world expands. It's like standing at the foot of a mountain we've only read about. There is nothing like that feeling of being so small, such a speck on the sands of time, to give us perspective and to make us grateful beyond imagination for the love and the mercy and the grace of our great God toward us.
    
5. Bad things come from the devil. The problem of evil is a huge one. It is true that much of the evil in the world happens as a result of the influence of the father of lies.
   
   But not all of it does. A lot of times, bad things happen as a result of a choice ... ours or someone else's ... that sets a series of consequences in motion. And in a lot of cases, even those bad things can be turned for good because (get this) God is never surprised by the bad things that happen. He works it into His plan to transform His children into His image.
   
   He doesn't cause them to happen. He weaves them into a tapestry. Sometimes we can get a glimpse of what He is doing ... but most of the time we see that tapestry from underneath, and it appears so jumbled and tangled that it doesn't make sense to us (see myth # 4). That's where faith comes in. Faith (whatever form that takes for us) is based on what we believe the character of God is. If we believe Him to be harsh and vindictive, we will see Him as cruel and punitive. If, on the other hand, we believe Him to be loving and pure, we will see Him as having our best interest in mind, and we will better be able to trust His heart even when the storm is raging.
    

"Happy Family" image courtesy of
photostock at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

These are only a few of the myths that plague us as believers. I'm sure you can think of more. 

We put a lot of stress on ourselves by trying to do what we were never meant to do. A lot of us (and I have done this) try to be the Holy Spirit - to bring someone to our way of thinking. It's true that we can participate in doing God's work. But let's remember ... it's GOD's work. So let's let Him. 

My prayer is that we will all grow up into Him and learn to love as He did as we begin to understand how very deeply and passionately He loves us ... to love God (in return) first and foremost, to love ourselves, and then to love others as ourselves. It really is the only way to be happy.

Happy New Year!

Spiritual Codependency

Today I was sitting with my pastor chatting about another matter and he asked me to share what was on my heart.

Since I am in a situation in my family that is extremely stressful, I shared my concerns with him, enough so that he knew I was suffering intensely because of the actions (or inactions) of someone that I care very deeply about. 

We talked about a lot of things. We prayed together. And then he said something that made it click for me. What he said was so powerful that it burned itself into my innermost being. 

"Jesus died for _____ (person's name). He bought ________'s peace. That peace belongs to ______.  But listen. He also died for you, Judy. He bought your peace. Don't let ________'s issues take away YOUR peace. It belongs to you." He paused for a moment, and looked straight into my eyes, knowing I would understand this. "If you let anyone else take away your peace, that's kind of like ... codependency.  Only it's SPIRITUAL codependency." 

Photo "Father and Daughter" courtesy of
photostock at
www.freedigitalimages.net

That's when it clicked for me.  

He knew that I understood the concept of codependency (to find out what that is, here's a link to my "What is Codependency?" page.  It's on my main blog, "Get Unwrapped!")  What I had been struggling with was ... where to draw the line between taking the appropriate responsibility I needed to take to look after someone I loved, and assuming someone else's responsibility for their own spiritual and personal growth.

It was just what I needed. I felt the tension drain away from my spirit, as the edges un-blurred and all appeared to shift into focus as I admitted once and for all my utter helplessness. 

As we prayed together, the image of a child spending time with its parent just for the sheer joy of it (rather than to be fed or to be comforted) came into my mind, the image spoken about in Psalm 131:2 ... "I have quieted my soul, like a weaned child rests against its mother." No demands, no ulterior motives ... just resting in Him, leaning on His shoulder. Now that I think about that picture, it is just one more way to "Be still, and know that I am God." (Ps 46:10) ... something a Christian buddy of mine was trying to tell me the other day ... and something that someone else sent to me on Facebook - a song sung in the 1970s by Chuck Girard called "Slow Down." (ignore the ad when you click on the link). 

In my obsession to fix that person's issues, I had lost myself and placed myself in turmoil, in torture. My pastor pointed me to the cross and helped me find the peace that had been waiting for me all along. 

And that is beyond anything I could understand or hope to explain.
It just IS. 

The winds of change

I've been going through a lot of changes in my life the last couple of years. 

My children are both at different stages of the very early phase of "doing the dance" of growing in independence and becoming self-sufficient. Sometimes there are setbacks, and other times, great strides. It's a learning process for all of us - not knowing when to step in and correct them ... or just let them figure it out for themselves. I've made some major mistakes in this department even in the last three months - to my own detriment -that I must now live with. It's a hard pill to swallow.

My husband retired in 2009, and suddenly he was making less per month than he made in 2 weeks under his old pre-retirement salary. That was a big adjustment for both of us to make!  Finances have been getting more and more tight. We've had to learn to live within our new means - and I must admit that this was much more of an adjustment for the children than for us, because most of the money we spent (and still spend) is for them or on their behalf. We had to forego many of the expenses they'd come to see as "normal" - just to put food on the table.

He's not getting any younger, either. That has been on my mind a LOT lately. I've seen him being worn down by all of this, and by the fact that he is unable to work to help support the family finances. He just turned 61. Studies have shown that people aged 65 and over are more likely to experience depression than any other age group. (Banich & Compton, 2011)  I'm being forced to consider possibilities I never wanted to consider before (thinking that if I did, I'd be making the unthinkable happen!) It scares the life out of me. It really does. I would be lying if I put on that brave front that a lot of believers call "speaking in faith." Truth be told, it's all I can do to stave off panic in this area.

The climate in my workplace has also changed, as I'm sure it has for so many people. The economic situation in our country is grim, and I know several people who have had to retire because of cutbacks ... people who are great at what they do. Seniority means nothing; the bottom line dictates who stays and who goes. Corporate memory has been reduced to a trickle, and the ones who are left are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past without those (admittedly higher-paid) people to rely on for information on what's been tried and hasn't worked. Job security is non-existent. With that "sword of Damocles" hanging above our heads, and management trying to put a positive spin on what is ruining people's lives, making the ones who are left do the same work with fewer people (do more with less) morale is at an all-time low. I've been feeling particularly vulnerable lately, as I can see how there is likely to be a move toward paring down our numbers even more. We're already overworked as it is.

With an eventual forced retirement in mind, I started looking around for alternatives. I found an online university that lets you stay at your current job and get your Master's degree. I applied and was accepted into a Counseling Psychology program. My start date was September 2nd. So right now, I am deep into homework assignments, projects, reading, studying, and trying to juggle all that with home, church, and work. I barely have enough time to do what I like to do - which is what I'm doing now - so I have to carve out time for myself to do that. It's a sanity-saver.  :)

Photo "Sun Ray Behind Dark Cloud" courtesy of Sura Nuralpradid at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

And then there are the changes at church. I know that comings and goings are all part of the ebb and flow of church life, but there is this one couple that has become very dear to my husband and me. Just recently, we found out that they were moving away, through circumstances beyond their control. It felt like someone reached in and ripped the hearts out of both of us. We've been experiencing wave upon wave of grief over this loss, and over the move which is slated to happen in stages as they transition into their new location. 

My body is changing. I'm in the final stages of menopause - and while I rejoice that "the curse" is finally over for the most part, there are other, more unpleasant physical changes that affect women at my age, not the least of which is a lessening in the skin's elasticity. (Yeah - that means wrinkles and sagging skin!) I'm trying to eat more healthily - which has increased my base energy level. However, the stresses I've mentioned deplete my sleep bank. There are the rare days when I have had to take a sick day just to sleep, because I just can't function otherwise. Sometimes I blame my age (i.e., menopause) ... but I am more inclined to think it's because of all the other changes added TO the menopause. The other day I caught my reflection in the mirror. "Who is that exhausted old woman?" I thought to myself.

Change - whether positive or negative - produces stress. It is inevitable of course, but it is still stressful. And while routine and security are increasingly important to me, I'm finding that I need to move outside my comfort zone and try new things. I have no choice ... if I want to keep from stagnating.

I take great comfort in the fact that God is constant. Faithful. Unchanging. Persistently passionate. And supremely dependable and available to talk to at any moment. 

There are lyrics to a verse and chorus from an old hymn which, lately, have been coming back to me more and more. 

       His oath, His covenant, His blood 
           support me in the whelming flood. 
       When all around my soul gives way,  
           He then is all my hope and stay.  
       On Christ the solid rock I stand; 
           All other ground is sinking sand... 
                         (Mote, Edward [(c) 1834] - emphasis mine.) 

This is the one constant, the only thing I can count on for sure.  It's like an anchor deep inside. If not for Him, I would surely lose my way and succumb to the relentlessness ravages of the winds of change. 

 
References:
Banich, M. & Compton, R. (2011). Cognitive Neuroscience [3rd edition]. 
      Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning

Mote, Edward [(c) 1834]. The Solid Rock. Public Domain

Pigeons, parakeets and peregrines

Ever been pigeon-holed? 

It's not a comfortable feeling. Someone (or a group of people) only thinks of you in one capacity, and when you stray outside of that, they don't know what to do with you. You might be considered as having become too big for your britches, or any number of other, less flattering adjectives or comparisons. 

A pigeon-hole is what they called those little cubby-holes in secretary desks long ago. Each hole had a specific thing that went in there, and it was a great way to organize items so you could find them easily. 

The problem with doing that to people is that they are a lot more complex than that. 

Some years ago at work, I qualified for serious consideration for an executive position, scoring among the top three in the country. When my co-workers found out that I was being considered for this, they couldn't believe it. To them, I was a clerk. They couldn't get their minds around the fact that I could be anything else. Someone even had the gall to tell me that I couldn't be in leadership until I lost some weight. (Seriously?) 

This tendency that folks have to categorize (and I'm no different, hence the title of this post!) can have disastrous effects. Recently, one woman killed herself because she knew that she would always and forever be known as the nurse that got duped into allowing impostors access to information about a well-known celebrity. Being in that kind of pigeon-hole was too much for her. So, she ended it. 

Just because we're in the church doesn't mean we're immune. In fact, sometimes the church community is a fish-bowl for all kinds of disturbing attitudes and behaviors which some folks think, say and do without considering the consequences. The reason I call it a fish-bowl is that it isn't done in a corner; non church-goers see what happens and stay away in droves, and those children who've grown up in the church are leaving as soon as they can and never coming back. 

Someone gets pigeon-holed into a specific category, and if they decide to branch out and stray away from that one spot, they get dumped on by all the other pigeons. Stay where you're put. Don't dream of anything more. This is where your "gifting" lies. Remember your place.

Another way that pigeon-holing happens is in the church versus outside-church dynamic. Just because I have to talk to you or interact with you at church doesn't mean you're a part of my life. Don't approach me on the street and say hi; I won't acknowledge your presence even if I'm standing in line waiting at the grocery store in the same line-up as you. If I see you waiting there, I might even choose a different lineup just so I'm not in that uncomfortable position. Yes. It happens. It's hurtful, but it happens all the time. 

The truth is that people are people. Inside the church, outside the church, people are people. As the deaf community says, "same-same." That folks think there is a difference is a sad testament to how compartmentalized and out of touch some churches have become. 

In a way, we can be like parakeets, parroting back what we're told over and over and over again, without understanding why we're saying it, singing it, thinking it. The jargon, the way we learn to talk in the church atmosphere, is unlike anything one hears in the outside world. Nobody talks like that! Imagine if a parakeet went back to the jungle and said "Pretty bird" to its wild cousins all the time. It wouldn't make any sense! 

Terms like "taking authority" and "speaking in faith" are bandied about in the church until we think that this is the way normal people speak and think. Then when we start talking like that outside the church, normal people think we're nuts! And then we pat ourselves on the back and convince ourselves that we are being persecuted for Jesus' sake and for the gospel's. ("Pretty bird.") We're not being persecuted because of the gospel. We're being left alone or laughed at because we're just plain weird. I know because I have acted and spoken this way and have been treated like a pariah, only to congratulate myself that I was being a light for Christ. In actual fact, I was driving people away from the gospel, because the very folks I was trying to reach said to themselves, "If this is what being a Christian is all about, count me out." 

The pigeon in the pigeon-hole and the parakeet that can say "Pretty bird" have one thing in common, aside from the fact that they are both seed-eaters and both quite numerous and found congregating in large groups.

They're in captivity. 

Peregrine Falcon
Photo Courtesy of Tom Curtis at
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Harder to find, much fewer in number, and breathtakingly beautiful is the peregrine falcon. 

Misunderstood and feared, too. 

It would be foolish to pigeon-hole one of these gorgeous and intelligent birds, nor would you even dream of trying to teach it to say, "Pretty bird."  Its natural state is soaring high above, dancing on currents and updrafts of air it can't see but can feel, extremely focused and aware of its surroundings, the perfect illustration of liberty. 

Yes, some have been domesticated - but even then, the falconer is keenly aware that this creature is not a "pet." It isn't "tame" in the traditional sense of the word. 

Like eagles and hawks, when in the wild, it leads a relatively solitary life, living in small nuclear family groups, nesting in high, craggy, inaccessible spots. These are the "safe places" to which it returns to rest, to nourish itself, to protect its mate and feed its young. As simple as that is, there is one inescapable attraction: the creature is free. I often long for that kind of life inside, a life of freedom, of not being bound by tradition, rules, categories, and cages. I can't really say I've attained that level yet - but it's something to which I aspire. 

I don't want to be in a pigeon-hole anymore. I don't want to put anyone else there, either. I'm tired of saying "pretty bird" without knowing why. I want to live, really live in communion with the heavens, putting all my weight on the unseen, resting when I'm tired, feeding my soul when it's hungry, being secure and unfettered. If that means that I risk being lonely and isolated at times, perhaps that's a price I might be willing to pay if it means being that much closer to the open sky.

Quiet: Testing in Progress

Have you ever seen these signs on a door when in an office building or a campus? "QUIET: TESTING IN PROGRESS." I have, frequently. I've even been behind a few of those signs - the one being tested, either individually or in a group of people writing the same test. 

From a site selling
all kinds of safety signs

Can I get away with saying that it's a lot easier being outside the door than inside? Can I even venture to say that it's a lot easier grading the tests (well of course it is: the grader has all the answers!) than it is taking them? 

It's so natural to slip into the role of grader - the one with all the answers, and therefore able and willing to point out another's mistakes - than it is to be the one taking the test and making the mistakes. I know; I do it all too frequently, and the results are ALWAYS bad. My problem is, I tend not to tell the person directly. I handle things in a couple of different ways. One is that I tell someone else and hope word gets back to them so they'll stop doing [fill in the blank]. If it does, by the time it gets there, it's all blown out of proportion - and feelings get hurt on both sides. Another way is that I don't say anything for a long time, and I let things build up and up and up ... and then one day I can't take it anymore and I say something snarky, and the person's feelings get hurt - and I end up looking like the bad guy. (Yes, I know that "snarky" is not a word. But it should be: snide remark = snark.) Plus ... that person never speaks to me again and gets others to see things his/her way, and a whole pile of people prejudge, and stop talking to me. This has happened most often in Christian circles (probably because that's where I spend most of my time outside work and family), but it's not limited to that part of my life. I have to conclude, then, that the problem isn't with Christians or with non-christians; the problem is with me. 

You know that moment before you give in to the temptation to justify yourself and make the other person look bad? Yes, I know it's temptation (which is never God's fault - it's the other guy's, you know, with the horns and the pitchfork - haha), but in a sense the circumstances surrounding that situation also constitute a test. I have a choice - call it multiple choice if you like - as to how to react to any given situation. The more I realize that, left to my own devices, I will ALWAYS choose the wrong thing ... the more I will leave the choice of what I do to God and follow what He wants me to do rather than what comes naturally. And therein lies the test part. It's not a test of character; it's a test of helplessness and dependency. As a human being, I like to run things. When I do, I inevitably mess up. It's as simple as that. 

I think that part of the answer lies in the first word of that sign I mentioned at the first of this post. Quiet. I think it was Solomon who said something like, "Even a fool, when he keeps quiet, is considered wise." The French people have a proverb or saying that sort of goes along with that: "Il faut y penser deux fois avant de parler" - which means, "Think twice about it before speaking." In this type of test, that's good advice for people on BOTH sides of the sign - inside (the one being tested) and outside (the one who is passing by, or passing judgment.) Quiet - think - pray first. I'm talking to my self here - the part of me that has to have her own way. I am so quick to react, to shoot first and ask questions later. 

King David prayed once, "Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips." (Psalm 141:3) If that prayer is not a great signpost, a reminder to be quiet, I don't know what is.

When it comes right down to it - the "testing in progress" is taking place on both sides of the door, just from different perspectives. Perhaps it's time to give each other a break and just ... do what the Sign says.

Sinless Perfection

Perfection?  One word and one word only.  Jesus.

Period.

There is a doctrine that has been going around for decades, perhaps even centuries, that has set people up to beat themselves to a pulp when they fail... which they always do.

It's called the doctrine of sinless perfection.

Basically this doctrine says that if we are in Christ and filled with the Spirit, it's possible to live as sinless a life as Jesus did. The basis for this argument is that Jesus laid aside His God-hood, His divine attributes, in order to be fully human, and that He therefore had no advantage over us in fighting temptation, did it by the power of the Holy Spirit, just the same way He got the power to do all those miracles.  

Hm.  As alluring as that statement might be, I think that a few people might be deceiving themselves. It says in 1 John chapter 1 that if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. And the apostle Paul (arguably one of the holiest men who ever lived except for Jesus) struggled with sin all the time. He said he kept sinning even though he didn't want to, and kept "not doing the right thing" even though he desired it so much! Yet he told the Ephesians to keep on being filled with the Holy Spirit, and told the Corinthians that he spoke in tongues (prayed under the direction of the Holy Spirit) more than all of them. 

The truth is, Jesus did have a slight (okay, a big) advantage over us ... in that He was not born with a "sin nature" - that is, a natural tendency to sin (aka "the curse").  Which is not to say that He wasn't tempted; He was!!! BIG time!!! But He had the same choice Adam did, before the Fall of man.  He didn't understand what it was like TO COMMIT sin - even though (on the cross) He BECAME sin, and felt the guilt and the shame of it down through the ages (every possible sin, past, present and future).  If we believe that Jesus didn't sin because He was filled with the Holy Spirit - then what happened the first 30 years of His life before He was filled at His baptism? Are we then to conclude that He DID sin because He wasn't filled with the Spirit? if so - He was not the perfect sacrifice, and His death was in vain!  

But if He didn't sin during that 30-year period - perhaps it's because ... oh maybe it might have been that (you know) "in Him dwells all the fulness of the Godhead bodily." (Colossians 2:9).  

Now - that said - because of what He did on the cross, if we accept it as being for us personally, we are made just as righteous as Jesus, by God ... POSITIONALLY.  God no longer sees our sin, but chooses to look at Jesus, who is our life, who is our righteousness. 

Being filled with (controlled by) the Holy Spirit is the only way that we could possibly begin to live (as Jesus promised) an abundant life, to be fully alive, in other words.  And included in that is most likely a marked reduction of that S-word because we're listening to His direction on a moment-by-moment basis.  It's marvelous.  It's glorious - if we live in that every single second of our lives.

Yet to believe that we - by being filled with the Spirit on a consistent basis - are capable of never sinning? Not once?  Perfection in the everyday happenings and routines of our lives? In our thoughts? in our MOTIVES?  Seriously?  

I'm not saying we aren't to try; this is not a cop-out to justify not trying!  On the contrary - I'm saying that we so much NEED to be filled with the Spirit, in conscious contact with God.  What I AM saying is that WHEN we sin - and we WILL ... God has made provision for that in our position in Christ as believers and all we need to do is agree with Him that we've messed up - and move on! No self-recriminations, no shame-fests, just "Yeah God, I loused it up this time. What I did was wrong. Please forgive me and re-fill me with Yourself. Thank You so much for Your grace!" And that's ALL.

Mike Warnke said quite a few years back, in one of his performances, something like this:  "I could say it in a really theological, hermeneutic way that would confuse most people and perhaps impress them at the same time - but I won't.  Instead, I'll just say it like this - Minus Crud Is COOL."  

Understanding the depths of grace inspires gratitude, and births a burning desire in us to be filled with God's presence as much and as often as possible (and um, that doesn't have to wait until we get to church to happen - it can be anywhere, anytime! - just saying.) The overflow of that infilling is so incredible - but let's not give ourselves more credit than we deserve, or beat ourselves up when we don't achieve perfection.  The most we can be is honest, open, and willing. The process of 'sanctification' is just that - a process.  We can take absolutely NO credit for any progress we make.

It's all Him.