Call Me Ishi

When I read the Bible, I like to treat it like a bit of a treasure hunt. I know that there is something in the pages that I read that will speak to me about who God is, how much He loves and what He really wants, among other things. I ask Him to show me what He wants me to see. 

Today I prayed, sat and waited for direction on where to go. "Hosea," came the answer. 

So I went to Hosea. One of my favorite passages is Hosea 2:19, 20 - and I was looking forward to reading it. But first, I read chapter one, where God tells the prophet to go and marry a prostitute and have children with her. He says some stuff about how His people say that they're His and then go chasing after other things without even giving Him a thought. There are some pretty strong words in there. "Name your first child 'No-Compassion,' for I will not have compassion on My people. Name your second, 'Not-My-People' for I will disown them." Whew! But in chapter two, He reveals His desire to have compassion on His people, and to bring them back to Him and bless them. 

And He gives them a promise - one that is (to Him) the ultimate in what He wants deep in His heart for [each of] His people: "You will call Me Ishi, and you will no longer call me Baali." (2:16)

'Baali' means 'my Master.' 

But 'Ishi' means 'my Husband.' 

It's a totally different relationship that God wants. He doesn't want a master-servant relationship where we do what He wants and we get paid (rewarded) for it. That is religion; He hates religion. Religion is doing stuff to make God notice you or - at the very least - keep Him from squashing you like a bug. 

Hosea puts his finger right on the crux of the matter. Religion is (in the symbolism of his book) spiritual prostitution: doing whatever the master - or in today's terminology, the john - wants ... so as to get rewarded. Rules are clear. A plus B equals C. It's contractual; you serve, you expect to be rewarded. 

In religion, you pray plus you do everything that is required (and in some cases that can be the rest of the alphabet!) in order to get the desired result: answer to that prayer. Do this and this and this and this, otherwise you won't be good enough for God to bless. Not getting what you want? Well then, you must not be believing hard enough. Or not doing enough good works. Or not sending enough money to Africa. 

Can you not see the fallacy here? Since when did anything in the Christian life depend on how good WE are?

Face-to-face, like husband
and wife... found this photo HERE

No, God desperately wants a husband-wife bond. In other words, tenderness, love, and loyalty as the foundation for an intimate, face-to-face relationship. Up close and as personal as it gets: that is what God longs to have with us. It's a marriage to Him - whether we think of it like that or not. That's the whole point of the book of Hosea. It was a physical representation of a spiritual truth. God reached down onto the street-corner and redeemed us from a life of slavery to what other people want ... and put a ring on our finger. He wants us to listen to His wooing and turn to Him because we want to, and for no other reason than loving Him in return. That's it. No contracts, no need to measure up. Just let Him love us.

But on many days and in many ways, the tendency many of us have is to settle for the business transaction rather than the extra time and vulnerability of pillow talk. To succumb to fear - the fear of losing the blessing - rather than take the extra time and effort to embrace our Husband ... out of gratitude for His loving care and a burning passion to please Him.

Those in full-time or even heavy part-time ministry are familiar with this penchant for slipping into the idea that they "work for Him" so the relationship becomes more like punching a time clock than wrapping their arms around their Beloved. (You want to read about God's desire for intimacy with us? try Song of Solomon!) 

I don't often recommend books or videos on my blog here - perhaps I should more often, I don't know - but I stumbled across a book a few months ago that captured my attention in this area. It's Francis Chan's book, called Crazy Love. I'm including a link to his book page that has summary videos of each chapter here. I find Chan's writing engaging: meaty, yet easy to follow. He writes like he speaks, and that's a big plus because he speaks on the things about which he is passionate - and he's supremely passionate about intimacy with Jesus. There are also links on that page to his other works - notably Forgotten God (about the Holy Spirit) and Erasing Hell - the title of which is totally self-explanatory. 

Crazy Love is all about going from Baali to Ishi.  It concentrates on developing that all-too-rare relationship with Jesus that is passionate and intimate; its goal is to promote being first and not primarily doing (which will take care of itself out of sheer overflow of being.) I highly recommend the book; if you can't afford it, at least watch the videos online. 

I can't guarantee that his message will change your life. But I can say that if you're tired of going through the motions, you need to consider clicking that link.

Leaving and Cleaving

One thing I've heard a fair bit about lately - from various (married) sources - is the idea that one's "home" is where one grew up or where one's parents live.  

While I almost envy folks who have a good relationship with their parents, I think I would draw the line at the thought of having one's homing signal beeping out from smack dab in a parental home.  I'm talking mostly about the loyalty factor but also about the idea that it's okay to live with "Mum and Dad" after starting a conjugal relationship with someone else.

I understand that for some, this is the only solution financially.  But having lived with a parent after marriage (either in the parent's home or having the parent live in mine) I can say from experience that it can be (and very often IS) problematic to share control over a household in that manner.  Nobody knows who is in charge or has the final say, especially if there is (gifted or loaned) money involved.  Styles of household management differ.  Methods of parenting are very often a topic of friction.  And then there's the uncomfortable dynamic of parents taking the side of one or the other of the adult children who are living under the same roof, during an argument.  Not to mention the temptation some parents have to criticize everything the daughter in law or the son in law does and yet not lift a finger to help.  Or to do everything for the child and in so doing, "take over" and not let their child be independent.  But I shan't go there today.  

The model of multi-generational households has been around for a long time. The Jews in Jesus' day, for example, helped their children get a good start in their marriage by the son being allowed to build on to his parents' home or build a house on his parents' property, and set up housekeeping.  But it was never meant to be reason for one generation to meddle in the affairs of the other.  

The natural order of things is for the children to grow up, move out, and start their own family unit.  Jesus quoted Genesis 1 (ahem, that was BEFORE the Fall of mankind!) when He said that the original intent was for a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.  The same could be said of the woman - that she would leave her father and mother and cleave to her husband.  That means that "home" is now with each other. It is NOT in the parental house. It's in the wedding vows by the way... "...forsaking all others..." could just as easily apply to the birth family as to previous boyfriends/girlfriends.  

Source:  (from Google Images)
http://triadmomsonmain.com/_blog/My_Blog/post/
Is_Your_Mother-In-Law_a_Marie_Barone/

 Even if not living with "Mum and Dad," the parent-child (or the in-law) relationship can wreak havoc - as can the idea that the person's locus of identity is not in the nuclear family (i.e., with the spouse and children) but with the birth family.  

Many people DO have good relationships with their parents and in-laws, and their siblings and their spouses for that matter. Congratulations if you are one of them!! But I've seen it happen:  the fastest way to wreck an intimate spousal relationship is to have too close of a relationship with the parents.  The kind where - for emotional support - one turns to the parent rather than the spouse, the kind that complains about the spouse to the parent,  ... a friend of mine calls this "up your nose" relationship "spousing" (an interesting and descriptive term which I've found useful.) This can be done with parents, friends, relatives, children, even co-workers ... and it is always unhealthy. I've even known people to practice "spousing" at church.  In fact, one husband yelled - as he threw a Bible across the room in a fit of temper - "Why don't you just take a bed and LIVE up there?"

How long has it been, I wonder, since I've gone to my husband FIRST and asked HIS opinion on something I was thinking about?  Since I've taken HIS side in a discussion?  Since I've chosen time with HIM over time with another family member - or time with 'the girls'?  Since I've gone where HE wanted to go?  Since I've told him that my home is with HIM and not somewhere else?  Since I've expressed to him how very much I love HIM? 

It's well worth thinking about.