And you did not visit Me.

For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’
“Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’
“And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’ - - Matthew 25

He lives in poverty. Oh, to look at it from the surface (because Heaven forbid you look too closely) it might not seem so, but he often has to make the choice between eating and paying the electric or the phone bill, and sometimes both bills. He is on social assistance because he has no other choice. Seriously. There are people who really CANNOT work.

His house is dirty and messy. It is that way because he cannot see well enough to clean it. He is on the list for a cataract surgery, but there is no date on that yet. He longs to be able to see. He hates living like this. He is unable to work because of his vision and many other health problems ... but he would love to be able to work to pay his bills on time and afford to do so many things that people who don't live in poverty take for granted.

He doesn't trust people, because people have always let him down. They have hurt him, or taken advantage of his generosity when he had a bit more money, or they judged him, so he has learned to be wary of people and might even push them away. He especially doesn't trust Christians. They sit back in their nice houses and designer clothes and they judge him without taking the time to know him. He has no time for people like that. 

So on the surface, he seems prickly by nature. He calls it like he sees it, and that makes people uncomfortable. So they stay away. As a result, he is lonely. And you might think that he has brought it on himself, that if he were more friendly, he might have more friends. But almost everyone he has ever known or trusted in his life has either let him down, or judged him, or used him, or a combination of all three. He can't afford to trust.

Image from Pixabay - a blur of long grass

He has his property, the one good thing he has left of his parents: his father, who died years ago, and his mother, who deeded the property to him before she got dementia and had to be placed in a nursing home. He has one beat-up little car, which he just barely manages to keep road-worthy in case he needs to drive it, which doesn't happen often.

Everything else has been stolen from him. The neighbors drive by the house and shake their heads, tutting to themselves when they see that his lawn is overgrown, grass as tall as four feet in some places. They don't bother to stop in and ask him if he would like someone to come in and cut it for him. They wouldn't do it for nothing. Rather than care for him, they would rather think he doesn't care. He does care. He just cannot physically go out there and use a push mower. He has a heart condition, a lung condition, failing kidneys, is nearly blind with cataracts, and he has other health conditions as well. And he simply cannot afford to pay someone to cut the grass, nor could he afford a ride-on mower in a million years. Simple as that. 

He used to have homemakers coming in to the house. But someone saw a rodent trap and then they refused to come in. The house has rodents because part of the house sits on a mud basement, but he cannot afford to do the home renovations that would need to be done to keep the critters from coming in. He has battled them for months ... and he is winning. But until the gateway is closed (that is, until there is a cement barrier), the battle will continue. He has asked the government for help. But there is one problem. There is no guarantee that the government will help him.

He has nobody to help. And everyone assumes that someone else will do it. So nobody does.

The church has forgotten him. They are too busy raising funds for this or that missionary half a world away while he lives in squalor beneath their very noses. They hold those upturned noses and look the other way because he doesn't attend church, so they consider him to be apostate. He doesn't attend because he has been too hurt by Christians judging him in that exact way just because he gets frustrated and loses his temper with people sometimes. Live in poverty yourself, and then see how quickly you lose your temper.  

Every unexpected bill that arrives is a crisis. Every unexpected setback is overwhelming. He has attempted suicide ... and only an intramural nurse saved his life because she called him after he had taken the pills. She called the ambulance and they came and got him. He was in the hospital for weeks, battling depression and hopelessness and panic. You didn't know that, did you? No, because you forgot him; he was easy to forget.

Strangers help him before the church would ever think to. It was strangers in a community service organization who replaced his fridge when it got broken last winter. They came in and took out the old one, set up the new one and brought groceries to put in it. And these strangers were NOT from a Christian organization. 

The only family members who do care for him live so far away that it is very difficult to make sure his needs are met from day to day. They have their own bills to pay too. They help whenever they can, but it is not enough; he lives on only $537 a month, and no more. In the day by day reality, he lives with the knowledge that others have the power to get together and help him, but they don't. Or they won't. 

And there are many others like him out there, people the church has forgotten because 'the government will look after them.'  Well - the government keeps these people below the poverty line so that they will be motivated to seek work. But this fellow can't work. What about him? 

What about you? What about me? Where do we fit into all of this? Do we - as a result of our own lack of action - keep people like this gentleman trapped in what amounts to a prison of poverty, just because he doesn't look like, talk like, or act like us? Do they have to clean up their act and be more like us just so we will look at them?

I'm not saying he hasn't made mistakes in the past. I'm not saying he isn't making mistakes now. But the fact remains that he is struggling for every last hour he remains on the planet. It should not have to be so hard. WE do not have to be so hard.

We have lost our Way. And if we don't find the Way of compassion and love, someday we may hear that WE did not feed, clothe or visit the ones in need. 

Building mighty walls

She's ten years old.  She has been coming to kids' church since she was three or four. And she has never felt like she fit in. 

She's not overly shy, but she thinks deep thoughts and feels things deeply.  She's a loyal friend - to those who take the time to be friends with her.  But people don't.  Not her peers, and not the children's ministry leaders. You see, they think of her as a troublemaker, even though she's not a bully and not misbehaving. She just wants to understand ... and a lot of things about what they are teaching don't make sense to her.  How, if God is love, He could command people to kill entire towns filled with people and animals (as He did in the Old Testament).  How, if God is just and wants only our good, He could let people die of cancer.  

Her questions are tough, but they are valid. That the teachers don't have the answers (nobody does) is not her fault.  But the frustrated teachers make her feel like it's her fault, that she is somehow spiritually defective for not taking things on blind faith. Because they disapprove of her, she thinks that God disapproves of her too.

Her parents are poor.  They cannot afford to dress her in the latest fashions, and sometimes the dresses she wears are stained in places, or there is a run in her tights.  She hates that she has to conform to a dress code, but she does it to please her mom and dad.  She doesn't tell them how the other girls in her class snub her because her clothes are not designer, how they wear things from the high-end stores and show them off to each other and to the teachers, and she watches wistfully from the sidelines while the teachers play favourites.  And after a few times of coming home and telling her folks about an upcoming event or activity (for which the admission fees are beyond her parents' budget) she doesn't even bother telling them about those things anymore.  

She is not slim like the other kids. She's kind of overweight.  She has health problems that have made her unable to be an athlete, and while she can keep up with them in the games in the gym, she doesn't excel and is not super competitive.  She feels keenly the rejection of the other children as they pick everyone else for their teams except her.  And more and more, the teachers pick events and group activities that revolve around athletic ability: skiing, skating, rock-climbing, and hiking, that pander to their favourite (slim) students.

The leaders also emphasize Scripture memorization and give candy prizes for bringing a Bible, and more candy for bringing a friend. She soon wonders if this - this expectation of performance, and the underlying idea that God is all about following the rules and not questioning - is all there is.  If it is, she must be a horrible person. But she can't stop the questions ... those unanswerable questions that make a lot of Christians uncomfortable.  After a while, the frustration of the teachers (and of their favourite helpers) turns to open animosity toward her.  She starts getting singled out and punished for things that are not her fault. 

She puts up with it only until it is considered legal to stay home without supervision... 12 years old. And then she lets her parents know how she feels.  Her parents, wisely, do not force her to keep going to a place where she feels attacked every single time she sets foot inside the door. 

The church workers had turned her against the church, and against God.  She did eventually have a relationship with God, but in spite of them, not because of them. And she still has a deep and abiding resentment against the church. 

Yes, the above example is based on a true story which really happened in a church that preached the gospel, taught that God is love and emphasized the infilling of the Holy Spirit. This church welcomed people of other races, and had outreaches to immigrant communities. The leadership seemed to bend over backwards to be welcoming toward people from diverse communities. 

So what went wrong in the children's ministry? Let me break it down for you.  

Racism is wrong.  It is wrong, wrong, wrong. And it hurts not only the victimized, but also the racists.  But there are other things that are equally as damaging.  And unfortunately, they are rampant in the church.

When you think of someone else who comes from a family that has a lower income than yourself as "less than" yourself, that is CLASSISM.  It's just like racism, only the "difference" is dollars, not skin colour. 

When you treat someone who is not as slim as you are as "less than", that is FATISM.  It's discrimination against someone on the basis of body type, and it hurts just as much as racism does. 

When you single someone out and punish them for things that are not their fault, exclude them, nitpick, contradict, or dismiss what they say due to one or more differences between you and them, that is BULLYING.  It has no place in the church. NONE.

When you reward children based on their performance (be that scripture memorization, Bible-toting, "evangelism" through dragging a friend to church) just so they can get some goodies, you send the message that God is more about people toeing the line than He is about loving people just as they are for the sake of loving them (i.e. that behaving is what life is about and that people are so depraved that they have to be bribed to behave). You are perpetuating RELIGION and undermining RELATIONSHIP.  You are saying that God has no power to transform people's lives and that they must obey rules to be accepted by Him.

God is not interested in religious robots.  He is looking for real people - warts and all - and by not accepting people (and children ARE people!) as they are, you are actually (a) encouraging the formation of robots and (b) driving away the very people that could bring life into the church and make the message that "God is love" really relevant to those in their world.

Photo "Teenage Girls Gossipping" by Ambro at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

Many (but not all) churches do not understand the dangers of these sorts of attitudes creeping in and destroying the sensitive spirits of those who are vulnerable, rejected, and searching for answers.  Many (but not all) children's ministries are carried out in the week-to-week reality by people who are undertrained, overworked, and sadly unsupervised. Children's ministries in mainstream churches have typically been treated as glorified babysitting services where one or two teachers have the responsibility of overseeing dozens of children ranging in age from (four or) six to twelve: an impossible and thankless task!  Plus, the unspoken purpose of many children's ministries is to get the kids out of their parents' hair while they do their [boring] adult worship/giving/sermon rituals in the sanctuary, and the only qualifications that the children's ministry volunteers have are (a) membership in the church and (b) a willingness to plunk their behinds in a chair for an hour once or twice a week. 

The fact is that those who work with children in a church setting are determining the future of that church.  If they display intolerant, insensitive, and bigoted attitudes, the children will get the idea that God is intolerant, insensitive and bigoted ... and some of them (most likely the ones who stay) will buy into that fallacy and get the idea that it is OKAY to be intolerant, insensitive and bigoted - and will pass this on to the NEXT generation.  

What am I saying? Simply this - it doesn't cost anything (except perhaps pride) to be kind and compassionate to those who are different from us in some way.  However, people need to be aware that these (and other) ugly attitudes do exist (and not just in the church) and that they need to be exposed for what they are.  If they are not, then be prepared for church after church to close their doors as more and more of the founding fathers and mothers pass away. 

We are - without meaning to, I believe - building mighty walls, as Russ Taff sings in "We Will Stand" (yes this is a link).  Can we not see that this is damaging to the cause of Christ? Can we not see that labels and liberty are incompatible?

The cycle must stop.  Those people who are drawn to (any kind of) ministry need to examine themselves and determine if they are prone to any of these (or other) attitudes.  Church leadership must invest resources into not just the technical (how-to) training of their workers, but also discipleship and sensitivity training.  Pastors and children's pastors need to just "drop in" unannounced to the kids' classes.  Children need to be given feedback tools (like a child's version of a suggestion box) to describe anything that made them feel unwanted or uncomfortable in class without being singled out. If we foster acceptance and discourage exclusion, maybe we have a chance of seeing our children embrace our faith ... instead of pushing them away from it.

Live Free or Die

"It was for freedom that Christ has set us free..." (Eph 5:1)

Following tourists on the road is something that is not unknown where I live. Tourism is big business, especially in the summer, but now all year round, we get visitors from all over Canada and the United States. One thing that we do to pass the time is try to guess where the tourists are from by the colour and pattern on their license plates, before we are close enough to read the location  - and once we get closer, we read the motto under the location name.  One of my favourite license plates is from Vermont, USA. Its motto is "LIVE FREE OR DIE"... a reference to the Revolutionary War and the Declaration of Independence.  

I've been thinking a fair bit about that motto. I guess that all my life, I've been heading toward that kind of desperation -- that I would rather die than not live free (in other words, death before bondage). Mind you, it takes one whole whack of bondage to get that fed up with it that you'd rather die than live in it.  But it does happen.  It does.  

And you know, that might seem like a really awful place to be, but it is absolutely necessary to get past all the mindless platitudes and living in shame and constant fear of messing up - and get to the threshold of a love-based relationship with Someone who is totally and completely ga-ga about you. 

Photo "Happy Jumping Child"
courtesy of chrisroll at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

In unconditional love, there is unbelievable freedom.  There is no freedom in conditional love, only lots of fear that the love will be removed and the lover must be appeased.  Really.  I'm not sure about you, but doesn't that sound like what most people experience when someone starts talking to them about the Christian life?  Oh no, they don't tell that to the unbeliever - they save it for after you're in the door, to keep you scared enough so that you don't step out of line and go for a big juicy sin steak and fries on the side.  (Huh??)  

These folks are really comfortable talking about right and wrong: who's right and who's wrong, what behavior is and is not allowed, how hard and long you have to pray to get answers to prayer and the reasons God won't say yes (mostly to do with blaming the victim) ... and they get really worked up about it! 

But start talking about the unconditional love of God, and people either get wistful ... or they get scared - scared that you're advocating a lifestyle of license. (Yeah, right, Someone loves me to pieces, so much that He gave everything up for me in order for me to have everything He does, so yeah, the first thing I'm going to do is something that will hurt Him.)  Wow.  Just ... wow.  How warped is that kind of thinking? Better yet, how warped is the kind of thinking that would think you'd even go there? 

Now that I think about it, maybe the saying, "Live free or die" could be a statement of fact in addition to being a clarion call to liberty at all costs.  Think about it.  Unconditional love is already yours.  Whether you accept it or not is your choice.  You either accept it and live in freedom ... or you die.

I want to live.

In Search Of Life

It has been an incredibly stressful six months or more.  But finally, we have some peace within.  

Some people already know what I'm about to reveal. Some people - a smaller number, no doubt - even know why. 

My husband and I are leaving the church. There, it's out. 

No, it's nothing that any one particular person has said or done; in fact, if not for the hope we had from the wonderful hearts of a very few people who love deeply, we would have left long ago. No, we are not angry at anyone; disagreement is not anger. No, we will not reconsider; we have put much thought and prayer and soul-searching into this decision and it is made. There is nothing anyone can say or do to change it. No, we are not going anywhere else. The organized church is the same everywhere - we've tried for years to find anything that is like what the first century believers knew and we have found nothing. NOTHING.  And no, most certainly we are not abandoning our faith. 

We are not just leaving a particular assembly. We are leaving a religious system that says it is based on love, grace and good news and instead is based on judgment, rules, and death. While we are in that atmosphere, there is no way that we can pursue Life. 

This conclusion is based on personal experience going back as far as we both can remember, through various denominations, in various life stages, as children, teens, young adults, parents with children of our own, and all of it operating (or trying to operate) in ministry through the vast majority of it. Throughout our Christian lives, we and our loved ones have been subjected to the most insidious types of spiritual abuse possible (and sometimes blatant bullying) by people who are well-placed in various positions of power in boardrooms, Sunday school rooms, kids church programs, youth programs, church suppers, picnics, special services where we felt sucked dry and left to flap in the wind, and more. Yes, we could cite hundreds of scenarios where the expectations of other people have made us feel belittled, used, burnt out, taken advantage of, and taken for granted. And we would still put up with it ... if there was even the slightest spark of Life in it. 

But ... there isn't. HE isn't.

Yes, I know that He lives in us and that wherever we are [the implication is, together] He is. I know that. But when we get together in an organized, structured setting, it becomes more about controlling people's behaviour (making sure they don't "fall away", whatever that is),  being gatekeepers of morality, and perpetuating the upkeep of the building and the programs than it is about letting Jesus love us, and being filled with that love so much that it overflows into the lives of others just because we can't contain it all. As I've said, I have seen individuals whose lives are like that. But the church? 

No.

About a year ago, a friend of ours made a similar move to the one we are making. She felt that she had to leave her church to be able to hear God's voice, to find out who He really is - because all she was hearing from the organized church was condemnation, guilt, shame, manipulation, should-dos and must-dos. It was all based in fear. Fear of losing what God had so freely given by dropping the ball somehow. Fear that people would stop tithing / giving to the church. Fear that the big bad world out there would somehow corrupt the strict code of morality that the church has embraced for centuries.

She had to leave the church to find God. Interesting. (Here's a footnote by the way: she DID find Him ... and she is deliriously happy!!)

Photo "Portrait Of Pointing Male" by
imagerymajestic at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

I will ask a question here - haven't there been many times when you've left church more drained than when you went there? More frustrated, more angry, more drained of hope, wondering if this is all there is?  I had times like that once in a while, years ago when I was involved in a community of believers that supplemented what happened at church... and even that group got bogged down in "organizing the organism" (also known as vivisection: now there's a horror story...) 

Since that time, that horrible experience of futility and burnout, that feeling of being beaten up, has happened more and more often until the point where it is so rare that even when the slightest glimmer of the presence of God shows up in a church service - He is doused with ice water after someone decides that we've had "enough worship" and wants to get to the "real" reason for church - the preaching. (WHAAAT??? Where is THAT written???) The preacher stands up (and here I must say that not EVERY preacher is like this) and starts to yell at the people for "not doing enough." He (or she) tries to scare people into toeing the line. Or shame them into getting out there and spreading the good news. (Really? is it good news to tell people that God can't stand to look at them, but He loves them so He killed Jesus for them, and then expects them to toe the line and behave themselves the rest of their lives or they'll end up going to the bad place anyway??)  It's all DO, DO, DO, with no encouragement to BE, BE, BE. It's like folks don't even know HOW to just BE. They think that unless they are out there, full bore, chugging for the Lord, He's not going to be pleased with them. What bondage.

He DIED for them to prove how much He loves - has always loved - the human race. Oh my goodness, do we think that He will stop being crazy about us just because we didn't read three chapters in the Bible today? or didn't sprinkle oil on the living room furniture to chase the demons away? 

Come on. Is our god really that small and petty?

God is LOVE. God is so much LOVE that He went to the ultimate extreme - becoming one of us - to prove that love. Jesus didn't die to make God stop being mad at us. Jesus died because God loved us so much and we were still drowning in our blindness thinking that He needed to be appeased. So He came to prove His love - and WE killed Him - and HE forgave us while we were doing it!! No condemnation, NONE. Just total acceptance and love. He came and died to remove our blindness if we would ask Him to, our blindness to His love, His light, His LIFE. And then He rose from the dead to show us that we would live forever as well.  In that act of pure, eternal, inexhaustible love, He KILLED the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, the tree of good and bad, right and wrong. And He opened the door to the tree of Life.

THAT is the Good News. THAT is the gospel. Not this whole system that is based on the same tree that Adam and Eve ate from in the Garden: the tree of "I'm better than you because I do this and don't do that."  That's the morality tree. It's what put Jesus to death!! He came to show us Love and Light and Life - and the religious system of dos and don'ts, shoulds and should nots, musts and must nots, felt threatened by Him... These religious rulers manipulated the political rulers of the day, and turned His message of Love into a capital crime, when Jesus Himself did not say anything against Rome, or against slavery, or against any of the societal ills of His day.  His only scathing rebukes had been against religion - the system - that rules-based, fear-based, politico-religious system that condoned oppressing the poor, and created a spiritual top-down caste society of haves and have-nots, of those who were "in" and those who were "out." 

The kingdom (kingship) of God is not like that. He turned the top-down system upside down and showed us that WE are the pearl of great price that He gave everything to have, that WE are the friends He would lay His life down for, before we even knew what it meant for Him to do that. He placed Himself beneath us, serving us... to show us how very much He loved us. ALL of us, every single soul down through history ... even the ones that have not been conceived yet. Not just the chosen few.

The religious system grinds people to oily dust and uses that dust to oil its cogs to grind more people up. It is an atmosphere that is anti-God, anti-Jesus, anti-Spirit. It is exclusive, not inclusive. It shames and does not accept. It is Ichabod - the glory has departed. We are not willing to be part of that system anymore. To us, it is (always has been, and sadly, probably always will be) death, not Life.  

Photo "Sunrise At First Sight"
courtesy of Keattikorn at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

We are searching for Life. We know that light-giving Life is in Him (see John 1) and we have only seen darkness and doubt and despair in the organized church. We are not saying that we will never darken a church door again ... but we are saying that such an oppressive atmosphere - for us - does not lend itself to finding Life or to falling in love with Jesus. 

And we understand - and fully accept and love - those who feel that the organization is the place they need to stay in order to have a feeling of community and purpose. We understand that there are people  -  many people  -  who need that structure, who need that place to call home in order to feel safe.  With rare and extremely notable (but temporary) exceptions, we have not found that feeling for ourselves; in general, we have found ourselves excluded, abused, judged, and at best, tolerated. 

So we are going on our quest - and it must happen outside that atmosphere. There have been definite glimmers - outside the organized church system - where we have experienced the organism of the Church (notice I capitalized it), been uplifted and fed, felt like participants in the good things that God is doing in people's lives. These have led us to believe that finding Life is possible, that God will prepare an accepting and loving community for us, and that it will be so very important for us to refrain from jeopardizing that by taking out the scalpel to dissect it and organize it. That would only kill it. There is no way we would want that.

I don't expect very many people to understand ... or to agree ... but I only wanted for the people who know us best to hear the real reasons from us, rather than speculating or gossiping or judging ... and to understand that it is necessary for us to guard our hearts, which for us (right now) means that we practice self-care by removing ourselves from that which crushes us. 

This is a scary thing we are doing. We are not sure what to expect. We are not sure if we'll find what we're looking for. We are launching out into the unknown. All we know is that if we keep doing what we've always done, we'll keep getting what we've always gotten.  And we are tired of living like that.  If there is not more, then "the abundant Life" Jesus promised is a sham. But if - as we suspect - there IS something more, we are on the lookout for it. We are in search of Life.  And if we find Life - there will be no question that those who know and love us will be the first to know because we won't be able to contain ourselves.

Type A Torture

First-year business students study the difference between the Type A and Type B kinds of managers. Type B managers include their employees in decision-making, encourage growth and creativity, and develop relationships with their employees. They do this, not to have something to hold over their employees or even to make them more productive, but to learn what things are important to them, to learn what tools they need to do their jobs and to feel safe while doing them. Employees will just about walk through fire for a Type B manager.  They'll go above and beyond the call of duty because they know that their manager cares about them and will support them no matter what.

Type A managers, on the other hand, are more goal-oriented. They push their employees for results and they're frequently saying that whatever the person is producing is not enough, that they need to do more, produce more, go faster, work better. They're all about following the rules and cracking the whip, and more often than not, throwing their employees under the bus if they mess up. That sort of approach may get results, (fear works) but employees are not likely to go the extra mile for a Type A manager and will only do the bare minimum. 

Once in a while, a Type A manager will say that he or she is "for" the employee, but it's a means to an end. They say "thank you" because those words are proven to give the message to employees that they are appreciated and the studies all say that people who feel appreciated are more likely to do things for you. They will even say that they "care" - but it's all for the greater purpose of increasing the efficiency of the unit, or the division, or the company. 

There are Type A managers in just about every organization and the church is no exception. I can't count the number of times that that horrible word "should" has been used like a club on people's heads to batter people with guilt and shame. And it's incredibly easy to do. SO incredibly easy. All one has to do is hold up some sort of standard of perfection, and then get insecure people who don't know their own worth to react, jump when one says jump, "repent" and vow to do better. I've seen it over and over and over again. The sad part is, the message people get is that they have to produce that desired end result and THEN God will come through. Or accept them. Or let them get into Heaven.

It's sickening. 

God knew we could not keep the law or be holy or be perfect; that's why Jesus came!! Adding in the requirement to keep the law after knowing the benefits of Grace is a little doctrine the apostle Paul fought all his life - it's called Judaizing (not to be confused with Judaism). And it is right out of the Pit of hell. The entire book of Galatians is written to counter this most dangerous of religious beliefs. Paul got into the biggest "Christian argument" of his life with someone who was heading down that path - the apostle Peter! "I withstood him to his face," Paul writes of that experience. 

I'm not saying by all of this that we shouldn't be living holy lives or that we shouldn't be spreading the gospel. Far from it!! However, let's be clear about how this happens.

WE don't do it. HE does. 

Let's look at some basic, wonderful truth and use it to counter the guilt-and-shame trips we've been taken on for years. 

Photo "Jesus Christ Over Rio De Janeiro" by
xura at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

Because of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, He regenerates every person who believes (puts their whole weight) on Him. In other words, He recreates us into brand new creations. The old has [already] passed away; the new has [already] come! (2 Cor 5:17) Every sin we have ever committed or ever will commit is ALREADY forgiven!! (John 5:24, Colossians 1:22, Hebrews 10:12-14). 

This means (stay with me) that once we are Christians, God sees us just the same way, with the same degree of righteousness, as He sees Jesus. He has made Jesus to be sin for us, He who knew no sin, so that we could be made the righteousness of God IN HIM. (2 Corinthians 5:21) 

We are holy automatically because He is (the real meaning of 1 Peter 1:16 is "You will be holy because I am holy...") - there is no need to TRY to be holy (we will FAIL if we TRY. Human effort will ALWAYS fail!) This is a walk of FAITH, not a walk of EFFORT. The more we realize what He has already provided for us (and Love tops the list by far!), the more we are aware of just how much was accomplished for us at the Cross, just how free we really are because of His love, the more grateful to Him we will become and the more naturally His character will shine through us as we walk in that glorious truth!

Can't we see that we've gotten it backwards and upside-down this entire time? Asking God for what was already ours to begin with, begging God to forgive us for things that have already been forgiven to the max long ago, even striving (in our own strength, no less) to do things that He has already provided the power to do through us just through knowing Him more deeply and becoming more aware of His love for us? How much bondage the church has suffered! how much "Type A torture" we have been through needlessly! 

You know what? Given the choice between life or death, I think most of us would choose life. But I'll tell you something that dawned on me a few years back: it takes half a second to die for your faith. A bullet through the brain or the heart and death is instantaneous. A scimitar (curved sword) in the hands of a skilled swordsman can behead a person in under a second. No, it's not "hard" to die for your faith. It might not be a pleasant prospect (the act of dying that is) but death only takes a moment.

But this is the challenge: it takes a lifetime of moment-by-moment realization of His love for us to live out our faith - not in shame or guilt for how we're not doing it right, or fervently enough, or loud enough, or whatever the Type A folks say we're not doing right. The Christian life was meant to be joyous and free - Jesus said that He'd come to give us life, and not just life, but life more abundantly. (John 10:10) Living in the constant knowledge that I am accepted in Him, that He loves me unconditionally, that all of my sin and baggage and sickness is demolished in the Cross - that is truly living. Truly living is nothing more than living Him.

This is why Paul said, "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21) That's all the Christian life is. It's Jesus. It's Him constantly loving us, constantly empowering us, constantly directing our paths. It's Him, always and ever ONLY Him. Because He is all we need. 

He. Is. All. We. Need. And He loves us.
Joy trumps torture.

Organisms and Organization

One of the more popular ways to "do" church (oh I could write a whole blog on that one!) is to have small groups. 

Small groups are more intimate. People get to know one another. They can pray for each other. In principle, that is. 

The early church thrived and spread on the back of small groups.

However, I really don't think that they had people sign up for them based on interest, or age, or socioeconomic status, or education level, or whatever other kind of pigeon-hole one might slot people into. 

No, their small groups grew. They were organisms. They were alive.

There was no "structure." People got together - as often as they could - because they wanted to share how wonderful Jesus was in their lives. They were bubbling up inside with His love and they loved talking about it with people who understood! They were full of stories about how God used them since the last time they met (usually the previous day or the day before that) to spread the Good News, and they were eager to share what God was teaching them about how wonderful He was and how much He loved them. Songs would spring up spontaneously. There was no "order of service," no "topic." They'd share a meal together - nothing fancy - not trying to outdo each other (like I've seen happen in some places.) The point wasn't the food; the point was Jesus!

The groups didn't get "established" or "assigned." There was one group, and if the group got too big and risked attracting attention by the religious authorities (there's another blog post... but not now...) God already had it set up because there was usually a group within the group that just gravitated toward each other (something like a baby growing inside the mother's womb). It would split off (naturally, not by argument!) and another small group was born. Each one was called a church. Paul often closed his letters by sending his greetings to this or that one, "and the church that is in his house." 

What happened? Where did these alive, vibrant organisms go? 

Photo "Center Of Church" courtesy
of Keerati at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

Around 300 AD, the emperor Constantine "converted" to Christianity. Suddenly this new sect of Judaism was 'in vogue' and had the backing of the money and power of Rome. 

Abraham Lincoln said something like, "Nearly every man can stand adversity, but if you want to test his character, give him power." THAT - in my opinion - is what happened to these beautiful, tender, alive communities. Groups now could get bigger. The intimacy was lost. People started thinking in the mind-set of the world: "we have to get organized." "Someone should look after the children." "Someone should lead the singing." "We should set a time to take up a collection." "We should get Mr. X to speak - I wonder what he'll talk on this time?" The Holy Spirit - instead of being the orchestrator of the gatherings, quietly said, "I guess you feel you don't need My anointing anymore. So I'll just go somewhere that does." 

Without the anointing of the Spirit, without the connection with other people and the excitement of sharing how good God was with each other, the church just became another compartment of people's lives, and it changed from being an organism and became an organization.

That's the thing about organizing an organism. When you start cutting off parts and reorganizing them so they'll "fit" ... the organism bleeds to death.

And on and on it has gone for centuries. 

And the church has slowly gotten the idea - just in the last little while - that small groups are the way to go. But it's so stuck in the organization mentality that it feels it has to legislate love, regiment relationship, and elicit edification. 

Nothing could be further from the truth. Small groups exist and they have for quite a while; we just don't call them churches or small groups. I've had such wonderful times of true Christian fellowship with one or two other believers over coffee at a doughnut shop or even in chats over Facebook that I (and my companions) have felt built up and energized spiritually: wonderfully so! 

What am I saying? Not that this way or that way is right or wrong - just that perhaps ... PERHAPS we are trying too hard. Perhaps we just need to let it happen naturally, let it live and breathe; don't smother it with trappings and structure and "should" statements. Let it flow naturally from our relationship with God, out of His love and care for us.

This week, perhaps it might be worth your while, my while, to look for opportunities to connect with people in a meaningful way and share what God is talking to us about, not theoretical or esoteric things but rubber-meets-the-road stuff, useful, thoughtful and caring things that speak to the heart and build each other up. 

Who knows? Church just might happen where you least expect it.

First Things First

It's really neat when God shows me something new, something I never saw before or never realized the depth He's just revealed of something I already knew. At such times, I can tend to go on a "high" and talk of little else, and then start opening my mind to new possibilities. 

That's all well and good, but there is a danger. 

Put another way, there's a lot about the church that is used bath water. It's served its purpose in the past, perhaps gotten rid of some sludge that hung on from years gone by or previous eras. 

But in throwing it out, I need to take care and be sure not to throw out the Baby too. 

The Gospel is the Good News because and only because we are absolutely incapable of getting to Heaven on our own. If it were up to us, we would all - repeat ALL - go to The Other Place. God is holy, perfect and just, and the Bible tells us many times that nothing and no one sinful can be in His presence. In one place, it even says that God is angry with the wicked every day. Make no mistake, it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. The wrath of God is ... unspeakably white-hot and will one day destroy the world. If there is no room in your or my theology for that, then we have forgotten just how hopeless was our case before Jesus came.

The whole reason why Jesus came and died was to be our wrath-taker. That's what the word "propitiation" means! (See 1 John 2:2 - "And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, but not for ours only, but for the sins of the whole world.") 

The substitutionary death of Jesus for us is all throughout the Bible - Old and New Testaments. It's been there ever since before Genesis 3:15. (Don't believe me? God said to Adam in Genesis 2:17, "In the day you eat of [the tree of the knowledge of good and evil] you shall surely die.") It also is alluded to in Revelation 21:5 when there is a new heaven and a new earth without the stain of sin. 

There's a verse we kind of gloss over when we read the Old Testament prophecy about Jesus the suffering Servant (Isaiah 53). It's verse 10: "Yet, it pleased the Lord to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief. When You make His soul an offering for sin, He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand." Basically this is saying that it was God's will to sacrifice Jesus, to pour out all His wrath on the only One whose soul would survive it. It talks about the purpose for all of that - the offering for sin was on our behalf because it made us part of His family again, "His seed."

It's the only way Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection makes sense. If not for us, if not for our total depravity and our total inability to meet His standard of perfection (which we lost in the Garden) then why did Jesus have to die? Again, check out Hebrews 12:2 ... "...looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising [its] shame, and who is now seated at the right hand [the place of favour] of God." 

Jesus didn't die for some esoteric principle. He died for PEOPLE. He died so that PEOPLE would have an opportunity to say YES to God through Him, to enter a family relationship. THIS was "the joy that was set before Him." 

Yes, God is loving, passionately so! Yes, His grace abounds to us - saving us to the uttermost! (Heb. 7:25) What glorious truths! 

But let us remember that this love and grace was only able to be released toward us through the death of Jesus for us. It was the only way, God's plan from the beginning. You want verses? There are many. Here is a sampling: "In Him we have redemption [we are bought back] through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us..." (Eph. 1:7,8) "But God commended (demonstrated) His love toward us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom. 5:8) "For Christ died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God..." (1 Pet. 3:18). "But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world unto our glory: Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known it, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." (1 Cor. 2:7-9)

Photo "Lightning" courtesy of
Suvro Datta at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

I included the last passage because it speaks of the fact that had the demonic forces and the rulers they controlled known what God's plan was, they would not have put the wheels in motion to get rid of Jesus. The last thing that they wanted was for their stronghold over mankind to be broken! 

So yes, the bathwater of the rituals and religious mindsets that have pervaded the church need to be washed away. But the Baby - !  

Let's never forget to keep the Main Thing the main thing. Jesus and His sacrificial death for us on the cross is the hingepin of the Gospel message. And it was necessary - SO necessary for us! Without it we would be lost, lost, LOST for all eternity! 

Can we grasp the horror of that? Can we understand even a fraction of what Gehenna is? Can we not remember how hopeless life without Jesus was? How futile? Can we begin to comprehend how deep the pit from which we were dug? the greatness of His wonderful grace that would do whatever it took to save us? even if it meant His own life? Can we realize the reality of what Jesus meant when He said, "You shall know the Truth [I am the way, the truth, and the life...] and the Truth shall make [not set, but completely create] you free.."?

Oh dear Church, "Come, let us worship and bow down, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker!" (Ps. 95:6). Let us put First things first, and respond in joy and gratitude to the One who made this great, ultimate sacrifice to redeem us.

Over Looked

Ever been the one left standing by yourself when folks are picking teams?

I have. It's not a nice feeling. It's like the team captains saw you, but didn't want you. Or perhaps they just picked their friends - or the ones who were the best at scoring goals. Being small in stature (as I was and still am, obviously) was a liability. I always got the impression they were looking over my head - like I was invisible or something. At any rate, I spent a lot of time on the sidelines when I was a kid.  

Being overlooked sucks. 

I thought high school was a thing of the past.
Just saying. 

"Teenage Girls Gossiping" courtesy of Ambro at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm under five feet, and I've been treated like a non-entity so many times (people looking past me at someone else who's taller, better looking, or older - or younger), that I'm more sensitive to it today. It's a deeply wounded place for me. And - it seems - when there is such a place that's raw and hurting, it turns into a magnet for more of the same. People can be cruel without even meaning to be. 

And when they actually MEAN to be - it's even worse. Especially ... especially if it comes from someone whom you like, whom you wish liked you. Even a little. Or who (worse yet) has told you that you're special to them - but who chooses to be around others when the crunch comes. 

I've been in situations where I've been right there - RIGHT THERE - when someone needed something I had to offer, something I had offered to provide  on many occasions. And ... they picked someone else. Right in front of me. 

Over and over again. I get so sick of it happening time after time, every time. I try to be gracious about it; I try to follow the advice of those who blithely offer it: "Don't let it get to you." The truth of the matter is that it hurts.

It hurts a LOT. And it happens most frequently ... in the church. The sense of being betrayed that rises up in me is hard to escape - and hard to stomach. In fact, it feels like someone took a good running start, and kicked me in the gut.

The psalmist wrote about this phenomenon.

"It is not an enemy who taunts me; I could have borne that.
It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me - I could have hidden from them.
Instead, it is you - my equal, my companion and close friend.
What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God." (Psalm 55:2-14, NLT)

The psalmist then prays for nasty things to happen to folks like this. I can understand that sentiment all too well! Treatment like that makes me want to blow this pop stand ... sky high. Many times, I've wanted to just walk away and never look back.  Oh no, not walk away from God - don't misunderstand me. I just get so tired of ... being overlooked, taken for granted, ignored. 

And it's not that I'm after any kind of recognition or applause, or for people to call attention to me and tell me how wonderful I am just because they think that this is what motivates me. It doesn't.  Sometimes, though, I feel like the person who's been at a company for a long time and the younger, better looking people come in and rise to the top, even though that person is just as qualified for a promotion. Nobody even thinks to offer it to him. After all, that's the way it's always been. And hey, he might even turn such a promotion down - but how would they know if they never asked? it never even crossed their minds.

So ... more and more, I've been choosing to be around people who like having me around, people who appreciate my contribution. Tragically enough, that seems to be those who are NOT in the church. Either the church people don't like me, or they have no clue how to show love and consideration. Or maybe they don't want to be associated with someone who freely admits that she doesn't have it all together. It messes with the "Christians are supposed to be perfect and mature at all times" fallacy.

You can only take so much pain before it gets to be too much. At that point, you start to shut down, shut people out, shut up, and shut off.
 
So ... if anyone wonders why I hesitate to volunteer for things anymore in the church - perhaps it might help if they stepped inside my size 7 footwear for a while. I'm sure they wouldn't want to stay in my shoes for very long.  

I know I don't. 

All Saints Day

Tomorrow, if God wills, I will be wishing at least one person (probably many more than that) a Happy All Saints Day.

Everyone is so hyped up for Halloween that they've forgotten why it exists in the first place; it was chosen BECAUSE it was the day before All Saints Day. They used to call October 31 "All Hallow's Eve" because November 1 was the day set out to pray (hence the word "hallows" - alluding to the frequent repetition of the Lord's model prayer, " ... hallowed be Thy name") for the saints. 

FOR the saints. Not TO them. (small bunny trail there - very small. Or is it?)

I'm sure some would say, "Why would you pray for a bunch of dead people? Statues holding up the pillars of some church building somewhere?"

That's probably one big reason why All Saints Day never caught on; it got warped because the meaning of the word "saint" got warped. 

Most people think of the halo
when they think of a saint.
Picture source Patron Saints Index

The word translated "saint" in the New Testament didn't refer to someone who was so good that he or she had achieved sainthood or was beatified by the rulers. No, "saint" in the Greek means "called-out one" - and it was how every New Testament writer spoke of the people who believed in Jesus as their only hope. In other words ... every born-again Christian is a saint. Every. Single. One. 

It doesn't matter what your theology is or isn't; it doesn't matter how good or bad you think you are. If you have trusted Jesus' once-for-all-time sacrifice as your only way to have a relationship with God, then you are a saint. Period.  Sainthood isn't for the dead. It's for the living.

And yes, that means that there are a whole passel of saints (including me) walking around out there, and it also means that a good many of us aren't acting very uh, saintly. That's okay. WELL, all right, in the strictest sense it would be preferable if we behaved ourselves - but out of love, not out of duty. The perfect image of the halo-infested person who has it all together and who dispenses wisdom and hope to the poor shmucks who can't get it right ... is somehow broken by this concept. However, saints - real saints the way the Bible talks about - know all too well that we cannot do anything on our own, and that left to our own devices, we WILL fail. It smudges the image. The beauty of the smudged saint image is that we know where to find help and hope ... and it isn't in us. It's in Jesus. Period.

And some of the people who are walking around out there who are also saints ... ARE acting "saintly" - so well, in fact, that they've got themselves convinced that they've got the market cornered, that they've "arrived" and that they're above reproach. The warning bells ring when I see this type (and especially when I begin to become this type), because they think they have the right to judge other people. These are the people everyone thinks of when they call someone "holier-than-thou:" arrogant, narrow people with nothing better to do than count the number of swear words in a movie, or make hateful placards to brandish outside an abortion clinic ... or something similar.

They've forgotten that without Jesus, none of us has a hope. Ever. Being a saint doesn't mean you've arrived. Being a saint means knowing that you can never arrive and that Jesus arrived for you; you spend the rest of your life in gratitude to Him, needing Him, depending on Him! And that is when it starts to get exciting, because that is when He can step in and allow us to participate in and cooperate with His great and miraculous dealings with the human race... which ALSO includes us.

If we realize and understand deep in our insides that we need Jesus, All Saints Day makes more sense in its original meaning - praying for all the saints. James 5:16 says, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed." (KJV) I use the King James here to make a point (not about the right version to use). The King James version only used "ye" for the second person plural. That word has fallen out of usage; we only use "you" now - and it can be confusing. The original Greek in that portion of James' letter means that if I tell you my stuff and you tell me yours, we pray for each other, and you and I can BOTH be healed. Healed of what? "Your faults." Our failings, our inner shortcomings. When was the last time that ever happened?

Put that on a more corporate level, do that for every "called-out one," and ... can't you see how revival (coming to life again - which implies that revival is not for the unbeliever but for the believer!) - how revival can't help but happen? 

So - tomorrow when I say, "Happy All Saints Day" - you'll know what I mean.

Say it. Today.

Last night our pastor preached on creating a culture of prayer based on loving each other and cooperating with the Spirit... among other things. It dovetailed perfectly with our associate pastor's message yesterday morning on approaching God in humility instead of haughtiness, meekness instead of manipulation. Then pastor gave us an opportunity to put into practice what we'd been taught - to seek out someone as God would lead us, and pray with that person. What followed can only be described as a manifestation of tenderness. 

People left their pews and sidled into others - one by one - to touch someone on the shoulder, or to sit with him or her in the pew. Some had left their seats and were praying alone at the altar; others joined them - one to one - and prayed with them. I was on the platform in music ministry, sitting on the edge of one of the platform tiers, singing. Most of the time my eyes were closed, so what I saw was mostly in short 'vignettes' - snippets of time. 

It was beautiful. 

Praying for someone else builds unity
and relationships. Image source

I felt an arm across my back and a hand on my shoulder. Someone had taken a seat next to me. This person began to pray for me - and try as I might, I could not continue singing. The microphone - still in my hand - dropped to my lap. My tears started to flow, because I could tell through tone and through the sincerity of the grip on my shoulder that this person loved me ... a lot. 

The words were nice - but they weren't the main thing. The main thing was that this individual cared. Cared about me. Cared about my life. Cared about the people I loved, the things that mattered to me. Cared enough to talk to the Almighty One on my behalf. 

I'd been feeling like my efforts - at home, at church, with friends and family - sometimes were for nothing; I was starting to lose hope that the things I was hoping and praying for would come to pass. This person's prayer (and it wasn't to me; I just got to listen in!) renewed my faith, bolstered my belief. I needed that ... so much.

The prayer over, my benefactor squeezed my shoulder again and left to follow God's leading somewhere else. After a minute or so, I was able to mop up my face and resume singing.

After another few minutes, another person approached me with words of encouragement and affection expressed for both my husband and me. It was so very touching, and it met an inner need I didn't even know I had; I felt (and feel) so blessed, so grateful.

In that whole sanctuary, there was no gossip, no condemnation, no animosity or frustration with each other. The whole place was transformed.

The love in that room was tangible. Everyone felt it; I could tell by the looks of awe and peace that I saw on their faces as we gathered in a final circle to pray together as a group. 

This - this is community. This is a glimpse of the Church at her finest, realizing the grace of God and passing that grace along, building each other up, coming alongside each other, supporting and loving each other. 

I issue a challenge to you as a member of the community of faith. Ask God to bring someone to your mind who needs some encouragement, who is struggling and needs prayer. It might even be someone you think has it all together; trust God's leading on who it is. Pray for that person, pray in as many specifics as you know how - and then contact and encourage him or her. 

SAY it. Don't just think it. TODAY, not tomorrow, not next week. You never know when someone might need to hear something from your heart. 

You just never know.

Death of an atheist

I first met Ted (not his real name) at a 12-step group that met in someone's home.  He sat, defiant, beaten by alcohol for decades but unwilling to embrace steps 2 and 3 of AA: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, and We turned our will and our lives over to the care of God... 

Image from this site

He had tried every trick in the book to get sober without "the God thing."  Nothing worked.  He'd lived a hard-drinking, hard-living life, filled with booze, drugs, women, you name it. His salesman's life had taken him far and wide; he was used to living in hotels and using every mood-altering substance he could. Now he was in his sixties and even more adamant that there was no God.  He had a spite against the church so wide, you could see it written all over him.  SOMEONE (and I suspect many, MANY someones) had hurt him so very badly in the church and he had written the whole Christianity thing completely off - it was ludicrous to him.  He saw the judgmental, self-righteous attitudes of any church people he had ever been in contact with, the small-minded, religious, cliquish, rules-based and narrow lives each of them led, and wanted nothing whatsoever to do with that.  And he'd tarred God with the same brush as those who said they believed in Him.

Now the guy leading this group was saying that in order to get and stay sober, he had to believe in the God he had for so very long resisted as being the source of the behavior of these horrible people - and not only that - to give his will and his life to Him?  No.  Ted argued, he disputed, he got red in the face and it looked like he was going to physically attack this guy.  I think the only thing that kept him in his seat was the fact that the forty-something man he was so angry at ... could whip him (but good) in a fight.  

So he left.  He "went back out" as they say in recovery rooms.  He went on yet another drinking spree that left him nearly destitute, beaten into desperation by the consequences of his choices.  And like a moth to a candle flame, he was again seated in our little group. 

But he wasn't saying much.  

One night, one of our number spoke up and told his story, the story of someone who had a real hatred of God and of His people, a victim of physical and religious abuse, hypocrisy, and abandonment all in the name of God.  He told how he finally came to the end of himself and in desperation cried out for God to either kill him or cure him.  And that was the beginning of a rather uneasy but successful end to his drinking career and the beginning of a relationship with the Creator not based on hypocrisy and religion but based on truth and honesty.

Ted's face was a study in conflicting emotions.  After the meeting ended, he approached this fellow and said, "Would it be okay if I called you sometime?" The man agreed, perplexed.  Everyone there knew Ted's hostile attitude toward all things religious.  And now he was wanting to talk to someone who freely admitted that relationship with God was the only way.  

Over the course of the next few months, after heart-to-heart talks over coffee, going through the shakes, the jitters and the intolerable cravings and being able to talk about them frankly and openly with his chosen mentor (and with others of the same ilk), after long walks and talks with God about anything and everything - this God to whom he referred as "The Old Man" because he couldn't bring himself to say the word, "God" - Ted grew into a personal relationship with his Creator.  It was like watching a baby being born - miraculous, raw, delicate, new.  His life was transformed! Every facet of it burgeoned with Life.  Everything was so fresh, so vibrant, so .... passionate.  Every bit of passion with which he had hated the church and (by association) God, was now funneled into loving Him, developing relationship with Him.  His whole demeanor exuded peace and joy.  God had truly touched his life.  

The atheist had died.  A believer was born.

He even started attending a church, but more out of a desire to please God than any other thing, like social expectation. He got - and stayed - sober.  He became everything that everyone knew that he could be if only he would let God love him: a better person, a better husband, a better father.  And he was so refreshingly honest about his journey.  He'd talk about it to people, to newcomers in our group, who would listen to him because he knew what it was like.  He knew how it felt to be that hopeless, that disillusioned, to not know what this God-thing was all about.  He told them it was okay to have doubts, but if they'd just be honest with God and start talking to Him, they'd see a difference in their lives.  He was a walking miracle - he was living proof that God could do anything with anyone who would give Him a real honest chance.  And folks knew it.

One night, after his usual long walk back to his hotel room, talking with "The Old Man" the whole way, he felt very tired, so he laid down in his bed without taking his street clothes off.  

The cleaning staff found him the next day just like that.  His heart had given out.  He was gone.

We, like many others in our little band, questioned the goodness and the love of a God who would take him from his family and his friends so soon after getting his life squared away, restored, renewed. What kind of cruel joke was this, we wondered.  We missed him; we missed his ready smile, his willing heart, his generous spirit. We still do.  But we had to accept that he was immensely happy where he was, marveling in his new-found everlasting life.  Some of us did accept this, and we were able to move on.  Others ... didn't. 

Now, several months after his death, I'm even more convinced of what I was in the beginning, when he first passed away.  He was taken from us while he was still unspoiled by religion.  If he had gotten any further into the western church, any church, any denomination, he would never have survived. The rules that so many rely on to try to keep people in line would have begun to make themselves known, to hem him in, to dissect his passion (apparently a dangerous thing in religious circles because it can't be controlled) and render it powerless. The pettiness, the hypocrisy that had hurt him in the past was (and is) still rampant.  It was only a matter of time before he realized it and his faith - tenuous and fragile that it was - would have been shaken.  And he would have "gone back out" again to reject his Creator and drink himself into his grave, another sad statistic.  I'm as sure of it as I know my own name. 

So I'm not angry at God anymore for taking Ted when He did.  I miss him, yes.  I really miss him.  But I know that he's happier now than he ever was - and that he left this world in an untainted, intimate love-relationship with "The Old Man" that leaves mine in the dust. 

Yes, it was a little rough around the edges.  Yes, he had a lot to learn. (Or did he?)  Be that as it may, I can tell you that with all that is in me, there are times that I pray for God to make me more like him.  Not like the ones that are so bound up in the shoulds and oughtas that they drive people away in droves - but more like Ted, who just learned to love and be loved, completely, honestly, warts and all.