Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Very. Present. Help.

"God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in time of
trouble." - Ps. 46:1

There are a lot of things that have been changing in the last while. People I care about have moved away, others have passed away, more and more as time goes on. These are people that have helped to shape who I am, have taught me important things about how to look at life, how to lean on God. The sense of loss is very real.

My personal life is changing. I have left one school in order to apply for another school which will give me a better degree so that I can launch my second career. It will take much longer than I had hoped. 

Photo "Footprints On The Beach Sand"
courtesy of foto76 at
In a lot of ways, much of the future is literally up in the air. I don't know how much longer my job will last. I don't know whether my chosen school will accept me. There are unanswered questions in the area of my daughter's health, and her future. There is still no closure after my other daughter's death - I'm still paying on her (totaled) car because the health insurance claims apparently have not finished yet and because she didn't life-insure the loan, wanting to "save Mom money." 

It feels sometimes like the ground is giving way underneath of me. I can look down at the crumbling earth ... or question why I feel so alone sometimes ... or I can look up to find out (to my amazement) that He has already been carrying me. The whole time.

When the bottom drops out, His arms - that have been holding me from the beginning - keep me from falling into the vortex. 

In the middle, right in the very middle of the tumult... His peace opens up an eye in the storm. I can still hear the winds howling, but with Him, it is calm. Paying attention to Him centers me. There, leaning into His heart, listening to Him sing, I find His rest has already made a place for me. 

He is my help. He doesn't just GIVE help, He IS help.

He IS here.

He is not just here, not just present, but VERY present. 

Anything, everything I need - He IS. Love, grace, acceptance, pardon, peace, rest, joy, power, provision, health, ... it's impossible to exhaust all that He is. He is MORE. Limitless resources, limitless grace, love without boundaries. 

What more do I need?

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