He's gotcha

During a recent evening out with a friend, there came a point when we were praying together. At one point,  my friend said, "He's gotcha.  He has you.  You're okay."  

I SO-O needed to hear that!  I'd been feeling a little "at sea" - okay - pretty much hanging onto a plank in the ocean of fear - and it was so good to know that God cares, that He has my back (so to speak).  

I forget.  

Surrounded by judgmental and hurting people who cannot help but hurt people... I can lose sight of the fact that God's got me, that I'm okay, that I'm safe.  

As I sat in a therapist's office yesterday, having gone through something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and wondering what in the world happened to put me in such an emotional tailspin, my therapist put it into perspective for me.  "You have this huge fact in your life - the past, the abuse, that wounded part of you.  IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY.  In recovery, YOU can go away from IT.  But it will never leave; it is a fact; it's history.  The more you cultivate those relationships first with God, then with yourself, and lastly with others who are healthy and good for you, the farther away from that wounded place you will get - and you will forget that it is there.  But if you slip back into old ways of thinking, or coast - or rest on your laurels - you can easily approach that vulnerable place again, and you can be hurt a LOT more easily.  Basically put, you relapsed.  But you are now getting back on track.  And with the tools you've been given, you know what to do in order to stay on track." 

Yes I do.  And what gives me the courage to stay the course and to relax and trust God - is that knowledge, that easy-to-forget assurance of which I am so glad my friend reminded me.  

"He's gotcha."