Here - Through it all

Through it all, through it all my eyes are on You;
Through it all, through it all it is well.
Through it all, through it all my eyes are on You,
And it is well ... with me.  (c) Kristene DiMarco, Bethel Music

I just finished reading an amazing article. It's about photographs taken from INSIDE THE EYE of Hurricane Dorian while it was still a Category 2 Hurricane off the coast of the United States. 

It's full of birds. All kinds of birds!  Flying, sitting in the still water if they are able to swim, resting on anything that floats if they can't swim, they stay in the eye of the storm until it makes landfall, where they stay. If ships are in the eye of the storm, they rest on the ship.  

Amazing.  

This is a photo of Tropical Cyclone Catarina,
clearly showing the eye of the storm, courtesy of
a contributor to Pixabay.com

The analogy is plain between this image and the storms of life, so I won't belabour it here. But the mental picture of the eye of the storm being calm and a refuge for those caught in it ... is a powerful one. I can think of several incidents, not only in my life but in those of others, where this is the reality: we have stayed in the midst of turbulent circumstances and yet there has been an inner calm, a 'peace that surpasses all understanding' (Phil 4:7), that has steadied us and been a refuge for us. It's not that we are unaffected by the storm at all, it's just that our  focus has been on the One who is the Centre of all things. 

I've experienced a real hurricane before. Hurricane Juan (Sept. 29, 2003) visited our province and caused all kinds of damage to property, shoreline, and power lines.  We had not been listening to or watching the news for the previous few days, and I had been on vacation so away from the office grapevine, so we were totally unprepared. During the fury of the storm that morning, my husband and I felt we had to go outside because water was pouring over the edges of our rain gutters. 

We were soaked to the skin within two seconds, and we got the ladder out anyway. I held the extension ladder while hubby went up and cleared out the debris from the gutters, a job that we have since learned must be done in mid-summer. The rain and wind were blinding; the wind itself ripped our breath away from us, and we had to keep our chins tucked down to our chests to be able to breathe. And we were only out there for about five minutes. We lost three of our eleven shade trees in that storm. 

In hindsight, it was kind of crazy of us to venture outside. But we did experience the strength of a Category 1 hurricane - as least as much as we ever want to (if we wanted to, which I doubt). I'll never forget it. 

Yet, through it all, we were protected. We discovered a large, one-foot-in-diameter tree limb suspended in the maple tree that was right next to our house. It had been ripped off one of our other trees and became a projectile that was hurtling right at our picture window. And the maple tree's limbs caught it and didn't allow it to travel further. A mini-tornado (common in hurricanes, I've been told) landed on one of our other large shade trees (60 feet tall) and twisted it at the trunk as if it was a matchstick, slamming it onto the lawn. That tree was about 25 feet from our front door. When it hit the ground, it hit at an angle about 60 degrees to the house, so it missed us completely, still tethered by a portion of its own trunk to the ground. 

As I ponder this event, I am overwhelmed by a sense of divine protection - even in our ignorance - during Juan's devastating visit. And as Hurricane Dorian nears our province later today, I am trusting in God's protection for us and our home and property. 

And for the storms of our lives and circumstances, I am trusting that same kind of protection in the emotional and spiritual sense. I know we are in the Centre. 

So it's all good. Through it all, it is well ... with me. With us. 
He is here in the midst.

Making room

You make room for what matters to you.  I've heard people say this. I've said it. And I believe it's true. 

But what if what matters to you, after you have made room for it, becomes so deeply ingrained into you that it's like breathing?  Well  ... then you just breathe. You don't think about it; you just do it. And when you are prevented from doing that, you fight with every ounce that's in you to regain that thing that is like air to you. So the question becomes not whether you make room for something but WHAT you make room for ... WHAT will eventually become indispensable to you!!

When it comes to spiritual things, there are a lot of people who have made A room for God and all things spiritual. It is a nicely furnished room - filled with warm fuzzy feelings and lots of symbolism, music and pretty things. Or they furnish it with war banners and weapons of self-righteousness (but that is another post for another time.) There, in that space, they are able to contain their faith, compartmentalize it, give it a place to exist without fear that it will overtake the rest of their life or make any real changes in them or in their world. After all, that would be fanaticism. Right? 

Photo "Fountain" courtesy of dan at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

But I'm not talking about making A room for God. I'm talking about making room - allowing Him to overtake, fill, overflow, and transform everything we are. 

Listen to the words of Paul: "When Christ, who is our life, shall appear..." (Colossians 3:4). This is how He becomes so deeply infused into us that we cannot imagine life without the assurance of His presence... living in constant contact with Him, bubbling up from within us like an artesian well of clean, refreshing water. This is where prayer becomes an act of intimacy, as I spoke about in my last post. This is where God's love becomes a moment-by-moment reality, not one of those struggle-to-believe-it things, but a wonderful reality, making us naturally burst forth in an automatic grateful outpouring of worship and praise, an eternal fountain of confidence in His power and grace. 

From that fountain (which comes from that artesian well!) we CAN speak with His authority to the problems we see and experience in our (and another's) life. We CAN command sickness to leave. We CAN banish oppression. We CAN - because He has delegated that authority to us.  And - I say again - we don't even have to rely on our own faith; we have His ... so there is no doubt that can creep in, no faith-killing phrases, no negativity. There is only His love, His power, His faith, His authority.

How can I say this? Because ... I've experienced it.  The last few months in my life have been a testament to how strength, provision and miracle after miracle flow from this supernatural source of living water! Those who know me best know about these miracles - but I will give a couple of examples, just from the last 3 or 4 months, of commanding sickness to leave and seeing direct results:
(1) my own diagnosis of pre-cancer of the uterus, followed by a complete hysterectomy (almost fully recovered and feeling better than I was before the surgery in some ways), and 
(2) my brother's diagnosis of stage 1 colon cancer, the fact he actually survived the surgery, beat gall-bladder complications, and his kidney function (stopped at one point) began to improve. The doctors are still baffled. But we both know what happened: the authority of Jesus released through the spoken word and producing healing!

And these stories need to be told; there is no arguing with experience! 

In the same way that we can make room for God and His power, we can also make room for the enemy of our souls. I explained it to one person this way: death and life are in the power of the tongue, the Psalmist said.  When we, as ambassadors of Christ, speak and agree with the words of satan, we make room for him to do as he pleases. He kills. He steals. He destroys. And those innocent predictions (fears, worries) that we make out loud or even to ourselves? They actually make room for the enemy to have his way, for him to win. When we make room for satan by words of negativity, doubt and fear, we hand over to him the power over those situations to actually do what it is that we fear the most. I've seen this happen, time and time again. And it's so unnecessary!

However, when we take that forfeited space back - when we make room for God's passion for us to come to the fore, and we speak those things that He wants (life, love, healing, peace, joy, grace, strength, wisdom) then the enemy of our souls is routed, overthrown, and defeated in that situation. We walk in God's love. We don't try to convince people; we just live in that life-filled place, breathe, sleep, eat in that reality where God is large, in charge, and for us (Romans 8:31). We make room for God to have His way in us - to take His rightful place. Not because we "should" but because He loved us from start to finish before we even were conceived. Such lavish love is enough reason to make room.

I See You

A few weeks ago, our family shared the movie "Avatar" with a friend who had never seen it.  It was wonderful to see the spectacular visual effects of the film again, and the story line was compelling.

Although some would look askance at me for even watching a film that glorifies a 'mother-earth' type religion, I find the connection that The Na'vi have with their deity Eywa extremely real; it touches every aspect of their lives.  The Na'vi come to accept Jake (the hero) as one of them - but not without some misunderstanding.  Jake is a paraplegic, but when he sleeps, his consciousness is in his Avatar body - in which he can interact with the Na'vi. They know from the outset that he is a 'dream-walker' - a human in Na'vi form, and yet because Eywa has chosen him (a powerful scene that literally saves his life), he is brought to the village and assigned a Na'vi guide or teacher so that he may learn their language and their ways (in other words, their culture).

One of the most striking things about the culture of the Na'vi is their greeting for each other: "I see you."  As one of Jake's cultural mentors tells him when he is awake, this is not merely physical vision but a seeing of the person, the spirit inside, the individual's heart or character, all that makes them who they are.  It implies an intimacy that in our culture is usually only reserved for family and close friends, but there is something inherently real and right about this kind of connection with each other that resonates with me.  There are no barriers, no pretenses, no fake smiles. They feel what they feel when they feel it and they are open with each other. I think it is all a part of how they interact with Eywa and with the world around them. As Jake learns to interact with Eywa as well as with his Na'vi teacher, he begins to "see" the Na'vi, and consider himself one of them, one of "the people." 

Photo "Eye" courtesy of graur codrin at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

The greeting "I see you" is one I have adopted in my relationship with my Creator. Prayer has now become for me more of a heart attitude or focus, a knowing that I am loved and heard, more like petals opening in the sunlight than a spewing volcano of pleading words, eyes tightly closed and fearing destruction or refusal. 

In the middle of the night, when I awake and all is dark, all I need to do now is to acknowledge the fact of His presence and of His love for me.  I know in my deepest heart that He "sees" me - knows me intimately, loves me passionately and completely - and my desire is to know Him progressively, to "see" Him in the same way. All that really stands in the way of that "seeing" is my own difficulty in becoming consistently aware of that vital connection. 

I've also started to use this expression with my family (that is, my husband and my daughter) from time to time.  It always brings a smile because they know what it means!  It means that I understand them, accept them completely, love to spend time with them, and so much more.  

Over the past year or so, my life has become so much more about experiencing and reflecting love, and so much less about rules and obligations.  That's not to say I don't relapse into the Abyss Of The Should, but when I spend time meditating on His love, I find that there is no need for The Should.  I naturally want to live every moment of my life in the light of that all-seeing, all-accepting, no-holds-barred love.  

The Key of Knowledge

I was reading in the Word trying to find something specific earlier today (isn't this how God sometimes grabs our attention? well, He does it to me sometimes), when I stumbled on a rather vitriolic passage in Luke where Jesus was lambasting the Pharisees and the 'lawyers' (i.e., the experts in Mosaic law). It was the climax of His diatribe against (or warning to) these people.

"Woe to you lawyers (* = teachers of the law)!  For you have taken away the key of knowledge; you yourselves did not enter, and you hindered those who were entering.”
  - Luke 11:59

Now, I've grown up in the organized church, and spent all of my life in that milieu. That expression, 'the key of knowledge' had always been preached to mean knowledge in the sense of accumulating knowledge about, or studying, or possibly moral wisdom. It's why we went to Sunday school, to learn 'about God.' It's why we were encouraged to memorize scriptures, to increase our knowledge, to know right from wrong and choose the right. It carries with it the feeling of following the rules in order to keep from being punished. 

But that is not what this word is talking about. I went to Strong's Concordance and discovered that this knowledge - the key to which the teachers of the law, the clergy of Jesus' day, had "taken away" - is translated from the Greek word gnosis or 'deeper or more perfect knowledge'... which is derived from another Greek root word  ginosko  ... common language for the ultimate act of intimacy within a marriage. 

Photo "Couple At Sunset"
courtesy of piyaphantawong at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

Oh my. 

That brings a whole new meaning to this passage, doesn't it?  

Jesus was angry and so very saddened by how the religious teachers of His day didn't "get" the intended message of knowing God intimately, and not only did they not "get" it, they made it impossible for people to access that kind of information so that THEY could have any kind of relationship with God. 

Basically their lives sucked, and they wanted everyone else's lives to suck as much as theirs. And because they were in a position of leadership, and people looked to them for guidance, they succeeded in laying so much bondage on people, and making what should have been a free and beautiful relationship into a loveless, lifeless contract marked by a whole laundry list of dos and don'ts, with threats of punishment if they did not toe the line. 

I'm not pointing fingers.  The point here is not who is a Pharisee and who isn't. The point is not whether this or that pastor, this or that denomination is misguided at best.  No ... the point is that God wants to have a gloriously intimate, personal relationship with each of us. Jesus was all about that... because He knew that there was joy in it for us - and for Him. He knew that us living in fear was no way to live at all. He came to bring freedom so that people could actually BE FREE. 

And the key to that freedom is a growing intimacy with God. 

It isn't about whether we eat this or that, or drink this or that, or go here or there, or sing this or that, or say this or that. It is about allowing God into the deepest parts of us, those places nobody else is allowed to (or has a right to) go, letting Him express His delight in us, letting Him "know" us - in the most intimate way. Only in that deep knowledge, that total acceptance of His lavish love, that realization that He is for us and wants to pour out His love into and upon us, is there real peace and purpose and passion and power. That is true living. That is the moment-by-moment adventure.

That knowing (ginosko - or intimate knowing) is what Jesus was referring to when He said that in that 'day' of reckoning He would say (to those calling out "Lord, Lord...."), .... "I never knew you. Depart from Me..." (Mt 7:23)  He meant that two-becoming-one union, the kind that is only possible when we open up the most private parts of our selves to His love. He meant, in essence, "You never let Me intimately know you." 

What a sad indictment! How much we have missed!! How small and puny our conception of God has become because we (in our arrogant insistence upon our own unworthiness and fearing His vengeance) dare not entertain the thought of the exceeding greatness of His love and grace! That love is the starting place of the journey; that is the pinnacle.

We are already there, if we but knew (accepted, opened ourselves to) it. He has already made a place for us in His lap - His arms are open wide and that spot, that special spot on His shoulder is aching for us to nestle in there and hear His heart beat for - and with - ours. 

Can we not hear His call? It is sweet, sad, yearning. It echoes in our own hearts and resonates in our own longing for something "more."  Let's press in. 

I dare you. Let's open ourselves to Him. Let's let Him in.

Prove it

"I love you."

"Yeah? Prove it." 

This is a conversation that takes place hundreds of thousands of times a day in western society.  We expect that if someone loves us, he or she should do something to prove it, to back up the words. (That's a whole different post.)

We say that a lot to God, too, perhaps without knowing it. The attitude is, "Yeah? so what have You done for me lately?" We get so caught up in our insecurities and in the lies that the enemy whispers into our minds that we assume that God is unaware or unfeeling. Nothing could be further from the truth. At such times, I find that a simple review of the facts can take that cynicism and put it in its place.

Hmm. Let's see. Let's start with the basic facts, shall we? 

• He delivered us from sin - past, present and future - once for all (all people and all time) when He died for us on the cross. He rescued each of us that day and has been rescuing us every day since, and will continue to rescue us for the rest of our lives. Not because of anything we have done or not done, but because HE WANTS TO.
• He made it possible for God to show His mercy and grace to us freely, to lavish His love on us just as He lavishes it on Jesus. 
• He gave us the gift of His divine presence within us from the moment we believed, onward. Not just upon us (as it was in the days of King David who asked God to not take His Holy Spirit from him) but IN us - permeating us, part of who we are.
• Because of Him, we can be in an intimate relationship with the Divine, access His power, speak to sickness and pain of every kind and watch it leave. All because of those three hours spent writhing on the cross. 
• He defeated death. He not only spoke to it and reversed its effects in others, He actually went there Himself and conquered it, exploded it from the inside, making a public spectacle of it, and taking its sting away even for those who must endure it. For those, He waits on the other side with arms wide open, to welcome them. And - omnipresent as He is - He also comforts those of us who mourn the hole left in our lives where the physical presence of our loved one used to be.
• He prays for us. He believes in us and He encourages us - and sends people who encourage us - to press in and increase our intimacy with Him. 
• He listens to us. He cares about what burdens our hearts. When we are sad, He cries with us. When we are happy, He is turning cartwheels in joy! Nothing is too small - or too big - for us to bring to Him. He loves to hear us talk to Him. He loves to talk to us and loves it even more when we are quiet enough in our hearts to hear Him. 

The lie is that God has to prove anything. He's already proven it - to the utmost.

The truth is that He loves us, period. The truth is that because He wants to, He's been 'proving it' every second of every day for years and years. That we don't 'get it' is not His fault. 

How about, instead of saying, 'Prove it' .... we thank Him for already proving it, and ask instead for our spiritual senses to be awakened? 
I'm just saying.

Greater Things

I was reading an email earlier this month and I stumbled over the sentence, "People cannot progress beyond their leaders." 

Huh?

I started seriously thinking about that, pondering it. I think the person meant that students can't learn more than their teachers know (if the only source of learning is the teacher.) 

Even though the person who said it certainly did not mean it in the following way, there is a sense in which that kind of statement limits the power of God. 

Jesus told His disciples that they would do the works that He did, and even greater things, because He was going to His Father. (John 14:12)

He had only been there for three years or so, working miracles left, right, and centre by the power of the Spirit, and He wanted them to know what to expect after He left. Answer: MORE!!

It's been just shy of 2000 years since He did those works, and yes, His followers have healed so many sick, raised so many dead, cleansed so many lepers and cast out so many demons that it would be impossible to count. The works are greater in number, exponentially! 

They've been greater in geography too: now people all over the world have been saved, delivered, healed, cleansed, and given new life, not just in the old Roman Empire but in places the original disciples never even heard of. 

Illustration "Giving To The Poor" by
David Castillo Dominici at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

They've been greater in visibility. Modern technology has made it possible to see thousands of people gathered and dozens, even hundreds at a time having their lives transformed by the power of God. 

Jesus also told His followers that the Holy Spirit would lead them. He'd teach them to remember Jesus' words when they needed to remember them. He'd direct them which people to talk to, and what to say and do when they got there (no matter how small; remember, He's the architect, so a bolt is just as important as a beam...) The Holy Spirit would show them which people would be responsive to the message, and which people needed to have a seed of hope or faith planted. Living life in the Spirit would grant His followers (including US!!) the same access to the power and direction of God that Jesus did when He was here on earth. 

The same power. The same access. The same. 
Wow!!

This is one reason why, if teachers teach the students how to listen to the Spirit, the students can indeed go beyond what the teacher knows. It's no fault of the teacher and it is no virtue of the student; it is just a function of the Holy Spirit to go beyond what we can imagine.

After all, with Him, all things are possible. 
 (Now where have I heard that before??)

Sacred Cows

It's really easy as humans to compartmentalize. What I mean is that we tend to file portions or aspects of our lives into comfortable little boxes that we take out and play with (or use, if you like) according to the label that's on them. 

We have a box we label 'work'. We have another one named 'church' and another called 'home.' But we have so many more. There's what we like to do in our leisure time, there's our political involvement or beliefs, there's what TV programs we watch, what music we listen to, what our lifestyle is, what loyalties we hold to any kind of sports or pop idol, and the list is endless. 

And these boxes have very little (if any) overlap. 
And this can be a problem. 

If we are believers, there's an important box called our relationship with God. Within it, there are a number of other boxes: the church part including doctrines we hold, people we associate with, styles of music and preaching, programs we espouse, and ministries we support. Then there's the devotional/relationship part which might include prayer and reading the Word. We like to keep things in their proper place ... and it's all usually very tidy .... until it's not. Until God starts doing something radical and taking those little religious boxes out and destroying them, and tearing down the walls between the relationship with God box and the other boxes in our lives. 

Photo "Big Brahman Bull Isolated On A
White Background" courtesy
of Gualberto107 at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

I've watched people who love God actually destroy their testimony, ruin their Christian reputation, fighting and treating one another shamefully over which football team will win the Superbowl. Or what hockey team will win the Stanley cup. I've seen people irreparably damaged by political party affiliation, fighting over whether to vote this way or that way, trying to Christianize their reasons and causing deep wounds that are impossible to heal - over something as not-worth-arguing-about as politics. Or property. Or what foods to eat or not eat. Or whether to home-school, Christian-school, or public school their children.

Seriously.

In India, you can't go very far without seeing - or almost bumping into - cows. They're everywhere. The Indian people don't believe in harming the animals, and so cows are allowed to go anywhere they want, lie down anywhere they feel like it, and the Indians just go around them. The cow is a source of milk, butter, cheese, fuel (yes, they burn cow manure as fuel!), and some religious rituals or cultural customs in India, but they are not killed. Take away an Indian's civil rights but no, don't touch the cows. 

And in many ways, I see some believers acting that way about their own sacred cows: Yes God, I'll go to church but not during Downtown Abbey (or whatever the name of it is). Sure, Lord, I'll give my ten percent but don't ask me to not watch the playoffs (I'll just watch the game on my phone while I'm at church, how's that?) I'll even go to the church potluck but for goodness' sake, don't expect me to eat bread ... as a matter of fact, I'll go and I will try to convince people how unhealthy all this food they're eating is for them. WHILE they're eating it.

That defensiveness can even affect the things we do that we consider "of God." Once, when I remarked to someone that a certain popular book, used as a devotional aid at the time, was teaching heresy, that person pouted and asked me not to take that away from her. Not, "What things specifically don't line up with the scriptures?" but just a "Don't touch my sacred cow." 

Jesus came to make us free, to deliver us from bondage to our sacred cows. 

He came to take a sledgehammer to those boxes, those compartments in our lives that I spoke about earlier. His design for our lives is "open concept" - because to Him, all of life is sacred: whether it's home life or school life or work life or church life or hobby life or sports life or music life or fashion life or food life.... you get the idea. And if what He has done does not reach into that little corner we've been keeping just for ourselves, then it is not so much a reflection on His power as it is a commentary on how very little we appreciate all that He has freely given to us out of the abundance of His love!

I've heard it said that if Jesus is not Lord OF ALL then He is not Lord AT ALL. There is a sense in which this may well be true. However, I'm more inclined to believe that our entire Christian existence is a journey ... a journey toward trust... based on His love for us. The more we realize how real and deep that love is, the more we trust Him. The more we trust Him, the more we relinquish to Him; the more we relinquish to Him, the more He looks after our needs and we realize the depth of His love and care for us; the more He lovingly looks after our needs, the more we trust Him.

It doesn't have to get more complicated than that.

The unforced rhythms of Grace

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. 
Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. 
I’ll show you how to take a real rest. 
Walk with Me and work with Me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of Grace. 
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 
Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
- - - - Matthew 11:28-30  (The Message)

Tonight I listened to the Easter Sunday morning message (on Saturday night where I live) - streamed live from Hillsong church in Australia. Pastor Brian spoke powerfully on the overwhelming power of the message of Grace - the simple message that the Cross equals Love, just asking from the Giving God who gives (James 1:5, AMP). 

And then he read the above passage from the Message. One of my favorite passages in the New Testament, it is Jesus talking. I know that the Message is a paraphrase and I won't get into a debate about what version is authorized or not. (I'm thinking the original one written in Greek is, but that's just a theory...) but those words - 'the unforced rhythms of Grace' - reached out to me and ministered to my heart. 

So much of what church and Christianity has become for me and for so many others has more to do with being forced. Pushing, fighting, persevering, sweating, fasting, agonizing. Really. There's only so much effort one can make before strength fails. 

Strength fails.

"I will give you rest," Jesus said. "My yoke is easy, My burden is light." It's not forced, not accomplished by grimacing in pain or doing a Daniel fast or tithing thirty percent or hopping to it every time the church doors are open. 

It's rest. Rest in Him. "Come to Me," Jesus said. Not "go to church." 

Am I saying not to go to church? well-l, all I can say is that lately whenever I've gone to church I've come home more upset than before I went...from all the "ands" and "ifs" I've been hearing, all the mind-games and controlling practices I see. As soon as the worship starts, it starts. Raise your hands, stand up, sit down. No, really MEAN this song, you're not doing it right. Go around and greet people, love on them. Okay that's enough, stop doing that. No really, greeting time is over; be quiet, I'm talking now. What's wrong with you? how come you're not saying Amen? Now stand up. Now sing this other song. Now learn a bunch more of stuff I know but you don't. Now add this religious practice to your life. And that one. And this other one. It'll help your faith grow. If you don't do it my way you are missing something, you're defective. Repent and come to the altar, you sinners... and on it goes; it's so sickening. 

Now, if church isn't like that for you, if you look forward to going and you sense the real presence of God, great!! But I wonder if we really feel His presence there, or whether we are being manipulated emotionally. I only know that I feel manipulated and judged, when I listen to anyone's voice but His. 

Photo "Loving Father And His Baby" courtesy of
David Castillo Dominici at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

So when I go to church, I try not to listen to any other voice but the voice of Jesus, not to see any face but the face of Jesus. I don't sing for (or TO) anyone but Him. Anything less - any time I get my eyes off the One who loves me, and see the sea of people around me who are looking for a shepherd, I become discouraged and I sink into despair. 

I felt like that last Sunday. I was millimeters from throwing in the towel - not on God but on those who call themselves His people. I felt trapped, used, controlled, condemned. And I was dreading going to church this weekend -- of all weekends, Easter. Too many expectations, too much pressure. The prayers and words of a friend helped me to gain enough strength to just lay that aside and seek the face of God.

I was spinning my wheels all week, in turmoil, not knowing what to do or where to go (if anywhere).

And then those words. "Learn the unforced rhythms of Grace." 

I'd forgotten that the cross equals Love. That Love came down willingly and died for me, stretched out His arms to show how much He was going to take away - everything - everything in me that separated me from receiving His love. I'd forgotten how He rescued me, how He set me free, made me the righteousness of God. I'd forgotten how He took my sin away, loved it right out of me, blazed the trail back to Heaven by becoming just like me, just so I could let the Father love me.  

He led the captor captive, tore out his teeth and paraded him through the halls of hell to the cheers of those whom He had released from their long waiting. And He rose from the dead ... so I didn't have to fear that either.

And I didn't need a ritual to "remind" me.  I needed HIM. I needed His words. That promise of rest, of Grace already given for all time, of His presence with me. 

And it brought something to me that I have not experienced for a long time. 

Peace. Joy. And Love.

A God Thing

It's been a hellish week. Never mind the relentless cold, wind and yo-yo weather of Maritime winter. Never mind the mind-numbing routine of eat, work, eat, sleep and repeat. It's been especially stressful lately, and nowhere has it been more stressful than in our daughter's struggles with the health care system and the disability insurance process. 

She's been on disability insurance for two years after an accident in which she dislocated her kneecap ended eventually in first one surgery, and then another, with very little improvement. 

About 5 months ago, her insurance company told her that her DI benefits would run out at the end of February 2015 because the rules were changing from "unable to do former job" to "unable to do ANY job." She's spent the last five months gathering information about all her other disabilities, not just her knee (which is the reason we have a handicapped parking permit). The list is ... daunting: everything from TMJ disorder (that jaw thing) to problems in her neck, shoulders, and back, to psychological difficulties like PTSD and panic disorder, to migraines and multiple chemical sensitivies, to a possible carpal tunnel syndrome. Not to mention that her body is a human barometer and she has pain whenever there are storms on the way. And there have been a LOT of storms.

The last month, she's been complaining of more muscular and joint aches, more headaches, and more panic attacks. The stress of the upcoming insurance deadline (February 2015) was weighing heavily on her, and it had become so much a part of her everyday life that she wasn't even aware of it. This past weekend, her beloved iPhone (that never left her side) bit the dust, and she spent six hours dealing with sales people and insurance people while still grieving the loss of her daily companion. She did get a new phone (though not an iPhone since the newer models don't meet her criteria) but the process of change AND being around people that long AND having to talk to strangers on the phone ... gave her a panic attack when she got home. 

There have been construction workers in the house this week with jackhammers. Jackhammers. The cats have been terrified and she has been jittery and uneasy. Talk about stress.

Today, she'd gotten back from her weekly counselling session and a few errands in town, when the phone rang; it was her insurance company. They had rendered a decision on her disability insurance. 

It was favourable. They had concluded that she met the criterion of "not able to do ANY job" and her benefits would therefore be extended. 

Photo "Opening Door Knob" courtesy of
sixninepixels at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

Her financial situation immediately looked a whole lot more rosy. The pressure of wondering how she was going to pay her way ... lifted.

Moreover, the insurance company is committed to providing everything she needs to become functional again. Everything. Prescriptions, travel to and from out-of-province appointments, physio, therapy, whatever she needs.

Instantly, the weight of all that hidden stress lifted from her shoulders, her back, her neck, and her jaw. 

I found out about the phone call when I phoned home from work to check on how the morning went. As my husband explained everything to me, my eyes started filling with tears because I knew how much of a relief this would be for her. How much she would feel vindicated! How much she would relax and focus on looking after herself.

It was like opening a door.

It was definitely what I call "A God Thing." Only God could have worked it out, in a time frame that would mean no interruption in benefits, for maximum stress reduction, just when she needed it most, and she knows it. She knows it. 

I know it too. This is her time.

For far too long she has been suffering, hiding, pretending not to exist. For far too long she has settled for the leftovers, not spoken up for herself, thinking that "nice guys finish last." For way too long this child of God has accepted defeat. Now it is time to start walking in victory. Now it is time to heal. Now it is time to begin to live instead of just exist. 

And I, as her mother, am in a position to be able to do support her and to be one of those who will speak healing (and not judgment) into her life: body, soul and spirit. The tide is turning; I can sense it. It's the beginning of a new way of living, of thinking, of praying, of believing for me. Of believing that God's will isn't some namby-pamby wishy-washy bunch of platitudes like 'if it's His will.' It's time to really believe and declare that He not only wants to makes something beautiful out of her life, but that He WILL do it. 

I look forward to seeing more and more "God Things" happen ... because I know that He loves beyond anything that any of us could imagine. 

Just wait.

Hoeing the row

Maybe it's the long stretch of winter that lasts from November to May here in the Maritimes. Or maybe it's just the way my mind works; I don't know. 

I've been thinking about gardening. Don't get me wrong; I don't want to start gardening. I've just been thinking about the process ... working the soil, planting the seeds, watering during dry times, thinning out the plants, and beginning to harvest (which should tell you what kind of gardening I mean - since the only kind that makes any sense to me is planting seeds that will eventually turn into food). 

And then there's my least favorite part - possibly everybody's least favorite part - weeding. 

Weeds happen. They spring up unbidden like some ancient curse (oh wait - they ARE some ancient curse ... I seem to remember that being part of the package in Genesis 3...) And it seems you just get rid of one batch and the next one pops up. It's so discouraging. Yet it's necessary to keep the weeds down because they will choke the plant or the crop, stunt its growth and there will be far less in the harvest.

Some weeds are mistaken for the real thing. I remember a particularly insidious kind when I was growing up - my mother called them "wild beans" - they had leaves like young bean plants and they were the climbing variety so they'd climb up the stalks and choke out the bean plants (and whatever other plants were around). If left long enough, they'd choke out the plant so much that it would shrivel and wither away. 

Photo "Home Gardening" courtesy of
winnond at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

The only way to fix it was to hoe the row - take a hoe to the side of the garden row, loosen the dirt around the weed's root - and lift the root out of the ground. Then it could be unwound from the plant. Breaking it off above ground only made it stronger... and the root being gone wasn't enough to stop the choking (since the plant kept growing and would choke itself on the stem of the dead root.) 

I see things like that happening in the church. People start believing things that sound like they should be in the Bible (some folks actually believe that they ARE in the Bible) ... but they're not. In fact, these sayings are part of a doctrine that appeals to the sense that we humans have that we have to have control over our destiny, that we can do something to make God like us better, that what Jesus did on the cross wasn't enough and that we have to add our good deeds to it in order to be accepted by Him. These are things like, "Cleanliness is next to godliness" and "God helps those who help themselves." 

I'm sure that Jesus would have had a couple of things to say about those two sayings. Things like, "You obsess about the exterior! First clean the inside of the cup. Then the outside will automatically be clean." Or, "Apart from Me you can do nothing." 

These beliefs about cleaning up our act and then approaching God, or about God expecting us to do what we can before we ask His help - these are contrary to the scriptures. 

First, we can never clean up our act enough on our own to please Him. And we don't have to (that's His job! He's already done it!) Jesus died for us while we were still His enemies and He takes our "yes" and makes us into completely new creations. 

And second, when we try to do anything in our own strength, we ultimately fall flat on our faces. The lesson I've had to keep learning over and over is that it's better to ask Him first and rely on His strength because if left to my own devices, things will fall apart ... and quickly! 

So I pick up the hoe, I weed out all my efforts to "live the Christian life." And I simply enjoy Him. There's nothing complicated about it. The more I let go of my own efforts and trust what He has already done for me, rest on that finished work, appreciate the grace, the love, the goodness, and the forgiveness that has already been lavished on me, the more full of gratitude and joy I become. The plant will grow - automatically. 

And it will bear fruit. The more gratitude and joy happens in response to what He's already done for me and in me, the more that people around me are going to notice. Most people know when someone is acting. It won't be a set of put-on masks or platitudes. It will be real. It will be vital. It will be something that people can understand. And maybe, just maybe they'll begin to believe that He has done the same for them too. 

Until Morning

This week has been a sad one. 

Two wonderful ladies I've known for a very long time both passed away this week.

The first was one of the first women to take me under her wing when I first started exploring the world of the Spirit-filled life, about 32 years ago. Jean was ... unique. There was such an inner thrill in her - and it didn't take long to figure out why. Her joy when she sensed God moving in someone's life just bubbled out of her like large bubbles coming up to the surface from deep inside. Her passion for people to be free, her perseverance and power in prayer, and her willingness to do whatever God said, when He said, for however long He said, was phenomenal. 

The thing I'll miss most about her, though, is the way she would give what I came to call her "holy hugs."  She'd wrap her arms around me and start to pray in the Spirit ... then she'd sense God's presence and she'd start to chuckle, a low, deep sound that reminded me of toffee cooking on the stove. She'd squeeze tighter as her joy just overflowed; I couldn't help but be touched. 

The same thing would happen when she hugged others as well. Her joy was contagious; people couldn't help but be affected. 

When I heard that she had passed away this past week, I felt sad - not for her but for me. She is happier, freer than she's ever been. But down here won't quite be the same without her.

Photo "Lighthouse At Sunset" by
Serge Bertasius Phtography at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

Then, this morning, I learned that the second lady had passed away last Friday. I've known this woman for even longer than I knew Jean. 

Elma and her late husband were what I think of when I use the term "salt of the earth." Generous, giving, and accepting, she was in the running to become my mother-in-law at one point (yes, I dated her son for a while) and although nothing ever came of it, I always felt privileged to have met her and her husband, and held a special place in my heart for their whole family. 

She and her husband were so kind to me when I was pregnant with Arielle - and so sick I could barely drag myself out of bed, much less care for a toddler. When I was at my lowest ebb (hours away from being hospitalized for severe dehydration) they came over here and looked after our oldest, did housework and never expected any payment at all.... while I sat on the sofa and cried with mixed helplessness and gratitude. It was just what they did. They did what they could to bless people. And it worked. We were blessed ... beyond belief.

Our girls considered them their honorary grandparents. There was just something about Elma - sweet and humble and gentle, soft-spoken but yet respected (out of love) by her children. 

I will miss her.

Whenever someone passes away who is a believer, especially if that someone is special to me or to my loved ones, I have a habit of drawing something on that date on my calendar - the outline of a setting sun on the horizon. It reminds me of the old gospel song, "Sunset" - the chorus of which goes, "God paints the clouds in the evening sky to show me the way to the palace on high, and stars mark the pathway lest my feet should roam; it's Sunset, and I'm going Home." 

The promise of Heaven is not a hope-so-maybe kind of hope. It's a "know-so" kind of hope - a calm assurance that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I know that Jean and Elma are there - enjoying the bliss of being face-to-face with Jesus. They are in that Never-ending Day - where there is no darkness, no pain, no sorrow, no separation. 

Good night dear ladies. Rest well - enjoy - and I'll see you in the Morning.

Very. Present. Help.

"God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in time of
trouble." - Ps. 46:1

There are a lot of things that have been changing in the last while. People I care about have moved away, others have passed away, more and more as time goes on. These are people that have helped to shape who I am, have taught me important things about how to look at life, how to lean on God. The sense of loss is very real.

My personal life is changing. I have left one school in order to apply for another school which will give me a better degree so that I can launch my second career. It will take much longer than I had hoped. 

Photo "Footprints On The Beach Sand"
courtesy of foto76 at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

In a lot of ways, much of the future is literally up in the air. I don't know how much longer my job will last. I don't know whether my chosen school will accept me. There are unanswered questions in the area of my daughter's health, and her future. There is still no closure after my other daughter's death - I'm still paying on her (totaled) car because the health insurance claims apparently have not finished yet and because she didn't life-insure the loan, wanting to "save Mom money." 

It feels sometimes like the ground is giving way underneath of me. I can look down at the crumbling earth ... or question why I feel so alone sometimes ... or I can look up to find out (to my amazement) that He has already been carrying me. The whole time.

When the bottom drops out, His arms - that have been holding me from the beginning - keep me from falling into the vortex. 

In the middle, right in the very middle of the tumult... His peace opens up an eye in the storm. I can still hear the winds howling, but with Him, it is calm. Paying attention to Him centers me. There, leaning into His heart, listening to Him sing, I find His rest has already made a place for me. 

He is my help. He doesn't just GIVE help, He IS help.

He IS here.

He is not just here, not just present, but VERY present. 

Anything, everything I need - He IS. Love, grace, acceptance, pardon, peace, rest, joy, power, provision, health, ... it's impossible to exhaust all that He is. He is MORE. Limitless resources, limitless grace, love without boundaries. 

What more do I need?

New glasses

About fifteen years ago, my eyesight, which had always been excellent, started to deteriorate. I started getting headaches from eye strain. I hated going out after dark because the headlights hurt my eyes.

I really didn't understand that my eyesight was the problem. I just knew that I didn't want to read or travel or do anything I enjoyed doing, and didn't quite know why. 

My husband put it together - he'd had glasses since he was in grade three. He suggested I see an optometrist.

The rest was history. I had an astigmatism, which later (about six years later) developed into the need to wear bifocals. 

After I got used to my new glasses, it was amazing to me how much I had been missing as time wore on, how slowly and insidiously my world had gotten more and more small. I had to put more and more effort into doing the things that came so naturally to me after I got my glasses: read, drive, enjoy a sunny day, look up at the stars... and the list went on. Suddenly, it was as though I'd been given my life back - I wondered why I hadn't gone to the eye doctor much sooner.

Now, I can't imagine my life without my glasses. It's unthinkable for me to get up and leave the house without putting them on. They help me see the world, they protect me from the biting wind, they keep me from getting eye strain headaches.

Why am I talking about this? 

I see a spiritual parallel here. I needed glasses but I was unaware of it. I was trying to do things that became more and more impossible for me to do, and the harder I tried, the worse I felt. 

Once I looked through the new lenses, all became clear. I didn't have to strive and strain anymore. 

In this parallel, my state before going to get glasses was how I spent most of my Christian life. Like those around me and like my leaders, I was trying to produce those end results I kept hearing about - love your neighbour, read the Bible, pray, live in victory, share your faith - and the more I strained and tried, the less I could see clearly. 

Trying to manufacture the life I had heard about and read about - the victorious life that I was taught came through obedience - only ended up with me being frustrated, discouraged and eventually resentful. "Is this all there is?" I wondered to myself. 

Oh, there were times I lived in what I called "victory." Basically that looked like grit-your-teeth obedience with no divine power to carry that out. And I did have some successes. But they were temporary, and I would eventually crash and burn. And then I would blame myself for not "doing it right." 

Photo "Brunette With Folded Arms Posing
Cheerfully" courtesy of stockimages at
www.freedigitalimages.net

What a headache.


It wasn't until I began to realize the depths of the grace that Jesus died to give me that I started to walk into freedom. Unconditional love. Unconditional. Without conditions. That meant - and the glasses went on - that I didn't have to strive! I didn't HAVE to knock myself out in failure after failure after failure, wondering where the joy and all that 'abundant life' was. I was focusing on the end result, the things I was told all of my Christian life that I needed to DO. 

Instead, all I needed to do was put on the glasses of grace - to focus on Jesus, on His love, on His grace, and - as simplistic as that sounds - THERE was where the abundant life started. He loved me. He LOVES me! And I just fell in love with Him, and keep falling in love with Him more and more, the more I realize how deeply He loves me. That's it, that's all. Again and again and again. Deeper every. single. time.

Out of that love (that came from Him in the first place) flows all the other things I had missed and wondered where they were. And oh yes, listening to His voice (because I love to hear it) and doing what He says when He says it. But that's no longer my focus. My focus is HIM. All it ever needed to be was HIM, all along.

It boggles my mind that for so many years I missed something so incredibly simple. 

And now, living in grace and growing more and more in love with the One who IS grace, it amazes me how people miss it! And then I remember that that was me, not all that long ago. 

And sometimes it still is me. But it's like ... it's like when I am tired on a Saturday morning and come out of the bedroom and start puttering around with some household chores ... and then I wonder why my head is starting to hurt. My hand goes up to rub my head ... and then I realize that I'm not wearing my glasses. I forgot to put them on. 

So I put them on and soon the headache is gone. I don't waste time beating myself up that I forgot them. I just put them on. And I can see without straining. That's it.

That's how grace works too. It's always there, so much so that I forget it's there, it's such a part of my everyday. Like my glasses. 

Like Jesus. 
How cool is that?

The care of God

For the last seven years, I've come to know a lot of people who are in a process they call recovery. The thing they are in recovery from is some sort of addiction: whether to alcohol, drugs, prescription pills, gambling, shopping or trying to control other people's behavior through either intimidation or care-taking. 

They all follow - to some degree or other - a program of recovery called the Twelve Steps. I won't recite them - other sites have done a much better job at it than I can, but at its core, the 12-step program of recovery is a blueprint for people who have been burnt by religion and who don't know how (but who know they need it or they will die) to develop a relationship with God. 

The backbone of the 12-step program is in the third step; it is the hingepin on which all the other steps turn. The first two steps naturally lead to the third. After the addict has come to (1) admit that he or she can't fight the addiction, and after he or she has (2) conceded to the existence of a power greater than himself or herself, and that only that power can restore his or her sanity, the third step is to "[give] our will and our lives over to the care of God ... praying only for a knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." 

For a lot of people that's scary stuff, because they've been taught all their lives that God is some big ogre that loves nothing more than to squash them like bugs or strike them with thunderbolts of damnation. They've been taught this by (unfortunately) their previous experiences with people who claim to be experts on spiritual matters.

I was talking to one such person this morning, who - through desperation and the firm knowledge that there was nothing he could do to beat the monster within - finally took that plunge and turned his will and his life over to the care of God. What he had found so intimidating was turning his life over to God, the very one he had been taught was that celestial sadist who caused - or at least allowed - all of the bad stuff in his life to happen. But then he noticed that this was not what Step 3 said!! Instead, it was all about turning one's will and one's life over to THE CARE OF GOD. 

Photo "Loving Father And His Baby" provided by
David Castillo Dominici at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

In essence, he had to fire the god he had been taught to believe in as a child. He had to realize that his childhood god was small and petty and nit-picky, vindictive and cruel. Instead, he came to believe in the Real God, the One who LOVED him, the one who CARED. The One Whose real character Jesus came to demonstrate. The One who dotes on us, who leans in close to smell that "baby smell" as we sleep, the One who delights in us, the One who thrills in His heart when we speak His name, the One who - as one author once said - "would rather die than live without us." (Paul Ellis) And that's precisely what He did - He died because He didn't want to live without us.

It's THIS God that this man believes in. It's THIS God that he trusts. And THIS God - the TRUE God - is becoming more and more dear to this man as time goes on.

Every day now for the last five and a half years or so, he has prayed this prayer, or one very much like it: "God, I gratefully turn my will and my life over to Your care, today. This 24-hour period is Yours, and whatever happens in it, I pray that You would take care of it, let me know what it is I can do as I go through it, and give me the strength to do whatever You lead me to do, just for today." 

I asked him about that word gratefully. (It's not specifically mentioned in the Third Step.) I wondered about that - out loud - to him. And he told me, "It's about that 24-hour period. It's today. I can gratefully give Him 24 hours. I can't speak for the rest of my life or into next week or even tomorrow. Whatever happens in that one day, whether it means that I scrub toilets or drive someone to an appointment or even breathe my last breath, I know that it will be God's will for me. And I can be grateful because I KNOW that He will take care of it. He's got this, He'll do this for me, He's already provided me the strength and all I do is walk in it. I know because He's done it for me before, and today He'll do it again. And I know that without His loving care for me, I would be sunk, without hope. So I am grateful for the answer to that prayer being carried out in my life for today. Because it's all I have." 

I know a lot of theology and all that stuff. But his simple answer simply floored me. There was a lot in it, and there still is. 

The care of God. 

God cares. 

He's not waiting with a club to thump me if I get it wrong; He looks after me and cares for me because I am His child (because and ONLY because of Jesus!). As a matter of fact, He has provided everything I'll need for each day, for each and EVERY day, to live in love, in peace, in freedom, in gratitude, in ... in joy!  

That's something worth thinking on ... something worth being grateful for.

Freed from Fear

The last couple of days I've been thinking about fear, learning about fear responses at university and how long-lasting they can be, and hearing about fear and how there are some who believe that unless we (and I heard someone say this so I'm not making it up) are scared of Jesus, we are worshiping the wrong God. 

Say what??

I've been going over how Jesus talked to the people - not to the religious folks because they are a different breed altogether - but the regular folks. And His disciples. 

Know what He said to them? A lot?

"Fear not."  "Don't be afraid." "You are loved." "You are worth more than many sparrows." Want to read them? just start reading the gospels. They are there.

This same theme continues throughout the New Testament. "Don't be anxious [read: fearful] for anything, but in everything ... let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds by Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:6,7). "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear, for fear expects punishment." (1 Jn. 4:18). 

"Happy Jumping Child" photo courtesy of
chrisroll at
www.freedigitalphotos.net

I think that people are so afraid of believing how great God's grace is because they want to feel like they have control over their own lives. They want to believe that they can affect their own outcomes by what they do. While this is true in some situations of cause-and-effect, it is completely backward from the way of grace. The way of Jesus-AND says, "Repent / live right so that God will be good to you" .... and the way of grace says, "The goodness of God leads you to repentance / live right." 

The love and grace of God is so great!! He made a way through Jesus so that we didn't HAVE to be afraid! 

Let me ask you something. Do you think that the little children were afraid of Jesus? Do you think they cowered in fear away from Him? Of course not!! He was (and is) loving and joyous and fun! He exudes peace! What's not to love? Where He is, fear flees, because HE is that perfect love. It's HIM. HE does it. 

We humans want to think that we can do something to influence or manipulate the way things turn out. That's human thinking. God took the initiative. This is HIS baby, HIS salvation. He gives it to whomever He pleases and He takes responsibility for finding new and unique ways to let us know - on a regular basis - how much He loves us. 

If, that is, we are willing to listen. He loves us whether we realize it or not. He cares for our needs whether we are aware of it or not. He does it because that's who He is. And the more we realize how deeply He loves us, the less fear will have a hold on us. 

How freeing that is!! How freeing it is to know, know, KNOW that He loves us - every moment of every day, and He accepts us fully and freely because of what Jesus did! 

It is not dependent on what we do. The cart (instead of being in front of the horse) is behind the horse! What I mean is that we aren't doing things for Him anymore so that He'll be nice to us, but we realize how much He loves us and has given us forgiveness and freedom ... and we WANT to do things for Him without expecting anything from Him in return because He's already done it all!! 

That's grace-based living. That - in a glorious nutshell - is the gospel. 

.